I want to convert, he doesn't want me to

Every once in a while, I get a letter from a non-Jewish woman who wants to convert to Judaism.

She's married to a Jewish guy and the more she learns about Judaism, the more she wants to be Jewish herself and raise a Jewish family. She thoroughly checks out all her options and decides she can only convert Orthodox because only an Orthodox Jewish lifestyle will do for her soul, her marriage, her relationship with G-d (and sometimes her Jewish in-laws). Sometimes this woman has already converted Reform or Conservative before but "too quickly"--for her community--became more observant than any of her Jewish friends. And even though her biological clock is ticking and she has no idea how long it will take (1 year? 2 years? 5 years?), she might have even refused to have children until AFTER she's converted because she wants them to be born Jewish.

But it's not as you'd expect, the major opposition in her way is not an Orthodox rabbi or a community that is less than lackluster when it comes to being welcoming. No, her biggest obstacle is her Jewish husband. Go figure. (Sometimes, it's even his parents who are not happy that a "shiksa" thinks she knows more about Judaism than them!)

I always tell the non-Jewish spouse to be (unbelievably) patient, to take it at the speed of snails when they want to move like a speeding train, to understand that all the Jewish baggage their Jewish spouse comes with and a couple of years down the line, they have settled into a Jewish life they can both cope with...or I never hear from them again.

People reading "My Husband, a Convert, is More Observant than I Am" (Tablet Magazine) may think that a situation where a convert is having a much deeper, love affair with Judaism than their Jewish spouse is an anomaly but I know better.

The Beauty Queen Conversion

"The Shavuot story of Ruth might retell the journey of the most famous convert to Judaism, but South African-born Ilana Skolnik, who became a Jew more than 20 years ago and has lived in Israel ever since, has no less of an amazing story.

Born Ellen Peters, Skolnik, who was raised as a Protestant in a 'colored,' or mixed-race, family under apartheid, told The Jerusalem Post on Monday that she had always felt a connection to Judaism and that one of her earliest memories was reciting the first chapters from the story of Ruth.

'It was only after I converted that I found out that my grandfather on my mother’s side had actually been called Saul Solomon Jacob Simson,' the 54-year-old Herzliya resident said. 'In addition, I had an uncle who was Jewish, and his family used to recite kiddush on Friday nights.'''

For more:

"S. African beauty queen's conversion mirrors Ruth's story" (Jerusalem Post)

Featuring Black Women Converts

"Following Their Truth Paths" (Jerusalem Post)

"African American women who chose to convert to Judaism praise their mothers for the success of their spiritual journey."

Proud to be a Convert

In "Tired of Living in Fear", Ariella Barker, a convert to Judaism talks about the struggles of being an outsider in Judaism...just in time for Shavuot.

Unfortunately, this is what it's come to for a lot of us. While many Jews go about their days cluelessly, the rest of us live and breath a Judaism in which converts, the children of converts, the grandchildren of converts, the loved ones of converts, everywhere live in fear.

But Ariella Barker does not accept this. Despite the current conversion climate, despite the Jews who refuse to accept her and the nameless, faceless converts they slander every day, Barker says, "I will never again be made to feel like an outsider."

If only all of us were so strong, strong enough to stand up for suffering converts everywhere and against the real "fake Jews" who are using converts worldwide as scapegoats in a Jewish tug of war.

Yes, of course, a happy Shavuot to all...full to the brim with cheesecake and Lactaid pills! But thanks to Ariella Barker, more of us will go into this one with our eyes open.

A Happy Ending

In "How a girl named Yomaira became Yehudit" (The Jewish Star), we meet a beautiful young woman named Yehudit who was formerly known as Yomaira.

Because the Orthodox Jewish world, especially the one on Facebook, is "this big," I remember seeing Yehudit's wedding photos pop up on my "news feed" earlier this month. When I saw her face, I smiled as I often do when I see the happy, smiling, smugly married faces of other Jews of color. It adds some balance to my world, especially after getting so many, frequent letters from those who are struggling in the Jewish dating world. (Sorry, guys, I'm still not ready to try my hand at matchmaking!)

I also smiled because Yehudit's gorgeous face kinda reminded me of a couple of my Dominican relatives. I don't know that Yehudit is actually Dominican (though Yomaira's a pretty Dominican name) but she looks more "classically" Dominican than I do, since most people imagine that Dominicans are all dark-skinned. This last week someone asked me if there are any Dominicans with naturally straight hair and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. (Yes, there are plenty of Hispanics, even Dominicans, with naturally straight hair. Despite my Daddy's straight-haired genes, I'm just not one of them!)

Of course, I feel connected to all Jews but I do have a special place in my heart for Jewess of color, especially those who have walked the tough path of conversion and as this article notes come from particularly difficult, impoverished and violent homes. I guess what I mean is that I have a special place in my heart for Jewish survivors and I can only wish that many more of us are blessed with happy endings.

Where in the world is Aliza Hausman?

Where in the world is Aliza Hausman?

Honestly, I'm starting to feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience. I am neither here nor there. And I'm definitely not quite sure where I'm going to be in the next few months. I know where I wish I was...Los Angeles, Israel or the Dominican Republic (in no specific order of importance).

But remember that even though you're not hearing from me, if you're a fan, I would love hearing from you! You can email me here: Aliza's Email. I'm a little slow to reply so your patience is appreciated.

If you want to send hate mail, please direct them to your local therapist. If you don't have one, get one.

If you have questions about Jewish law, please direct them to your local Orthodox rabbi. If you don't have one, check out Askmoses.com or contact a Yoetzet Halacha via the Nishmat "Ask the Yoetzet" website. I'm only a Rebbetzin-in-training-wheels.

If you are interested in converting or have questions about the conversion process and about how to find a rabbi to work with, I'd love to help! I can try to coach you through the process, set you up with other converts, help you find a community and more.

If you're interested in having me speak at a local venue, I'll be sure to forward you my press kit. In the meantime, I am based in Los Angeles, CA.