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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Racism and the Myth of a "Victim Mentality"

Racism and the Myth of a "Victim Mentality"
By Tim Wise
February 20, 2010

Recently, I received an e-mail from a college professor who shows a video of one of my speeches in her classroom. She explained that she was in need of a citation for a claim I had made in the video, to the effect that although blacks and Latinos are far more likely than whites to be searched by police after a traffic stop, it is whites who are more likely--four times more likely in fact--to be found with drugs or other contraband on us, on the much less frequent occasions when we're the ones searched.

I happily obliged, sending her the web link for a 2005 Department of Justice report, in which the data can be found. Apparently, she was being challenged by one of her white male students, who was certain the claim must be wrong. Of course. Because everybody knows black and brown folks are the ones with all the drugs. Armed with his high school diploma, he felt confident challenging the person who is academically certified to teach him something, as if her years of experience and research counted for nothing, and as if mine (twenty-plus at this point) were irrelevant to the search for truth.

As a side note, and before continuing with the real focus of my remarks, it has always fascinated me how readily people without the slightest bit of knowledge on these subjects will challenge those of us who have spent our lives studying them. And this they do, in a way they would never think to challenge, say, the plumber who came to fix their toilet. In such a case as that, most anyone would recognize and defer to the plumber's specialized knowledge about their craft. But not with a subject that has ideological or political implications. The fact that everyone is entitled to their opinion leads millions to believe that their opinions are actually just as valuable as anyone else's, no matter the yawning chasm between their own expertise on a topic and that of someone else. Thus, we end up with Glenn Beck helping to shape public opinion: a guy who readily admits his lack of education, but whose views we are supposed to take seriously anyway. Or Sarah Palin, whose sub-mediocre academic record is viewed as a badge of honor by conservatives who consider those with substantial academic accomplishments to be elitist snobs.

But anyway, I digress.

What was actually more disturbing about the instructor's e-mail was the part after she asked for the data citation, where she noted that in addition to challenging the facts I'd presented in the video, the white guy had also insisted that even if the claim were true--in other words, even if police really are racially profiling people of color unfairly--we shouldn't talk about it, because to do so will discourage black people from trying hard to achieve. It will, presumably, turn them into permanent victims, whose expectations of mistreatment will make them essentially give up.

The Racist and Ignorant Underpinnings of the Victim Mentality Argument

It's a common argument, made by those who would rather ignore or finesse the problem of racism in America. If you can't argue the facts, never fear, just suggest that certain facts are too dangerous to be spoken. The possibility that persons of color might adopt a victim mentality once they learn the extent of racism, means we simply have to move on, and tell those who are, as a matter of fact, often the victims of injustice not to dwell on their experiences too much, lest their commitment to self-help be vitiated.

That such an argument as this is fundamentally racist should be obvious. First, it presumes that persons of color are too stupid to already know what it is they're experiencing. Those who bemoan the so-called victim mindset appear to believe that no one would think about racism were it not for the constant presence of liberals and leftists raising the issue. Secondly, the argument supposes that black and brown folks are so weak-willed that if they really understood the obstacles in their way, they would crumble like pie crust. As such, the fact that prominent black conservatives like Shelby Steele or Walter Williams are among the most outspoken proponents of this argument--that discussing racism risks the inculcation of a permanent victim mentality--suggests how little they think of their own racial group.

The truth is, folks of color (especially African Americans) are well aware of the negative stereotypes held about their racial group by an early age. Indeed, recent evidence indicates an awareness of these stereotypes by as soon as the third grade, and rarely later than the fifth: around the age of, say, eleven. This awareness--which is not due to liberals bringing it up, but rather, the result of black and brown folks living with the mistreatment that stems from the stereotypes and being exposed to them in media and elsewhere--has been found to dramatically impact academic performance. Even (and especially) among highly capable and motivated students of color, the fear of living down to a stereotype has been shown to generate such anxiety that it can suppress performance, relative to ability, thereby perpetuating the very performance gaps that feed the stereotypes about black intelligence in the first place. In other words, whether or not white racism is discussed, the knowledge of its existence is sufficient to negatively impact black and brown success. Talking about racism isn't the problem: racism itself is.

Are Some Victims are More Valid Than Others?

Naturally, none of the conservatives who worry about blacks adopting a debilitating mindset of victimhood ever fret about the same thing happening to others who have been victimized by injustice. They don't tell Jewish folks to get over the Holocaust, or not to talk about those unhappy matters so much, lest they cripple themselves under the weight of a victim syndrome. They don't warn crime victims against the adoption of a victim mindset. No indeed, the right even praises "victim's rights" groups, as if to suggest that, for these poor souls, victimhood is the highest station of human worth, and even provides special insights when it comes to proper crime control policy. And the right, even as they decry black and brown claims of victimization--all for the best interests of those folks of color, naturally--are quite skilled at proclaiming themselves the victims of all kinds of things: taxes, big government, immigrants, reverse discrimination, secular humanism, gay marriage, "radical Islam," you name it. The right loves victimhood, so long as they're the ones who get to choose which victims count, and so long as they don't have to actually deal with the history of injustice meted out to those who, by and large, are not them.

So why is it acceptable for these other groups' members to focus on their victimization, while it's somehow untoward of even self-destructive for blacks to do so? Keep in mind, there has been a steady push for curricula that addresses the destruction of European Jewry under Hitler, and no one has suggested that teaching the Diary of Anne Frank might be debilitating to Jewish children. Classes on, and special materials on the Jewish Holocaust are ubiquitous in American schools. Meanwhile, discussion of the Holocaust of America's indigenous populations remains largely off-limits, even to the point that the term Holocaust can't be used to describe it, lest we be seen as disrespecting the supposed uniqueness of Jewish suffering. As a Jew myself, I was raised on a steady diet of "never again" rhetoric, and not once was it suggested that such thinking was somehow going to diminish my willingness to work hard. Quite the contrary, it was intended to make damned sure I never allowed my people to be subordinated again. And that, it appears, is the real concern of conservatives. They aren't worried about blacks and other people of color adopting a crippling victim mentality. They are worried about such folks fighting back against the victimization that continues to happen on a daily basis.

Preparation is Not Capitulation to Victimhood

Logic suggests that there is a big difference between being prepared for potential injury of some sort (as those who challenge racism insist one must be) and wallowing in victimhood. When we buy insurance, for instance, we are preparing for the possibility of something bad happening to us--becoming sick, getting in a car accident, or having our house wiped out by a flood or tornado, or broken into by a burglar who then steals our valuables. Yet only the most cynical would say that by thinking about these possibilities (even to the point of paying money to insulate ourselves against them), we were somehow mired in a mentality of perpetual victimization. No indeed, such preparation, and the foresight that precedes it would be taken by most as signs of supreme rationality, level-headedness and maturity. And this is true despite the fact that, statistically speaking, the odds that a person of color will experience racism at some point are far greater than the odds of, say, a catastrophic weather related destruction of one's house, or the likelihood that one will be the victim of a home invasion. Research indicates that people of color will be discriminated against in about one out of every three job searches, as well as a third of the time when looking for housing. Though not clamoring for racism insurance, people of color logically think about the potential of racist injury, and given the possibility of such injury, doing so is no less rational than to contemplate other forms of ill-fortune. It is far more rational, for instance, than buying air traveler's insurance, in the event that one's plane were to crash, and yet many people purchase this kind of thing every year. Are they paranoid? Locked in a victim mentality? Neurotic? No, just cautious. Being prepared does not paralyze you, in these or any other cases.

To put this in terms that are especially easy to understand, let me offer a personal story, which illustrates the difference between being prepared for something and being paralyzed by fear of it. When I was quite a bit younger, I was an accomplished baseball player, especially when it came to hitting. As was my habit, during pre-game preparations, I would pay special attention to the opposing team's pitcher as he warmed up. I would watch to see how fast he threw, his motion, his delivery, and what kind of movement, if any, he was able to put on the ball. I did this even though I knew that sometimes these guys (who were almost always bigger than me and a bit older) were zipping balls into their catchers at over 85 miles an hour, which, to a 5'3" 14 year old, can be intimidating, to say the least. Several others on my team wouldn't watch the pitchers that intently. But I did, religiously. And not only did it not psyche me out or make me less confident of my ability to get on base. If anything, it prepared me for what I'd be facing, and made me more confident.

It's a logic that most any responsible parent would immediately understand. What kind of father would I be, for instance, if I never told my girls about the fact that there are some boys and men who think girls and women are less capable, and that there will be some among these who may treat them unfairly? The answer is, I'd be a damned pitiful one. To tell your kids that they can be anything they want to be if they try hard enough is nice, but unless you warn them about the obstacles in their path, which, unconquered, can derail them on the road to success, you are ill-suiting them for the real world. You are doing them no favors, but rather, are setting them up for a terrible fall, once they come upon the hurdles for which you had failed to prepare them, and as such, equip them to overcome. On the other hand, by discussing those obstacles honestly--and discussing individual and collective strategies of resistance to them--persons who are the targets of unjust treatment can steel themselves against the headwinds in their way, persevere, and accomplish in spite of those headwinds.

Victim Mentality Arguments Ignore History and Common Sense

Frankly, it's stunning that anyone would deny this basic truth, especially given the historic evidence at our disposal to prove its veracity. After all, if you ask most any black person over the age of forty what their parents told them about race when they were younger, you will hear one or another version of the following in reply: that they would have to work twice as hard as white folks. And this they were told, not as some free-floating, de-contextualized notion, but precisely because the system was so profoundly unjust and discrimination so deeply ingrained, that despite their best efforts and talent, they would too often be overlooked for the best jobs and opportunities solely because of the color of their skin.

But does anyone--including, especially the black conservatives who decry the so-called victim mentality--condemn the older African Americans (including, one can safely presume, their own parents) who previously prepared generations of blacks for hard work and success by telling them in no uncertain terms that things were unequal and unfair? Does any conservative suggest these blacks in prior eras were crippling their children with the message that they would need to work harder than whites because of racism? Better still, is there any evidence whatsoever that being told such a thing did in fact cripple black folks, or make them try less hard than they otherwise might have? Of course not. If anything, the exact opposite is true. Knowing the odds, black and brown folk tried even harder, because to do otherwise would all but guarantee defeat. In short, the claim that discussing racism and discrimination creates passive victims out of people of color flies in the face of every bit of empirical evidence on the subject, which suggests that the opposite is true: knowing the truth inspires perseverance and passionate resistance to victimization, not resignation to one's status as a target.

In fact, one could even argue that downplaying the reality of racism and discrimination so as to avoid the inculcation of a victim mindset, and so as to spur greater individual initiative, could backfire. After all, if a person is led to believe that there are no obstacles in their way, and that their hard work, intelligence and ability are all that will matter, they might slack up. They might coast on the assumption that surely all will recognize their potential, and that they won't have to go that extra mile to make a good impression. They may overestimate the extent to which whites will recognize their effort and hard work, or the extent to which that recognition will be sufficient to overcome the implicit (and even explicit) biases that years of research indicates are still very much ingrained in the minds of most white folks. So not only may a "see no evil, speak of no evil" mindset not help folks of color in a society where racism still functions, it could actually do substantial harm.

In the end, there is only one question we need ask: does the truth matter or not? If racism is a problem--and research makes clear that it is--then there is no responsible path forward but to discuss it, to call it out, and to address it directly. To ignore it, or minimize its importance will not make it go away, will not smooth the path for any person of color confronting it, and will only leave folks ill-prepared to deal with it, on those occasions when it rises up to smack them in the face. Surely, anyone who would leave millions of others so unprepared for the world as it is can't be taken seriously when they claim to be compassionate. The right doesn't care about people of color adopting a victim mentality. They simply wish to avoid a discussion of injustice, because such a discussion might lead us to do something about it. And they rather like things the way they are.

Tim Wise is the author of five books on race and racism, including his latest, Colorblind: The Rise of Post-Racial Politics and the Retreat from Racial Equity, to be released in the Spring of 2010 from City Lights Books.

COMMENTS are closed on this post.

Hope you had a happy Jewloween.



In his latest YouTube video, blogger MaNishtana explains "Jewloween" aka Purim and I even make a cameo!

Related: David Suissa on why America loves Jews...especially the comedians".

Cool Jewish Events: An Odd Coupling: Jews and Altarpieces in Medieval Spain

Event: An Odd Coupling: Jews and Altarpieces in Medieval Spain
Date: Thursday, March 4, 2010
Time: 7:30pm
Place: Stein Chapel, JTS (The Jewish Theological Seminary), 3080 BROADWAY, NEW YORK, NY 10027

Details:

Little attention has been given to the role of Jews as artists in medieval Spain and even less to their creation of works of art for the church. Among these were the large altarpieces of the fourteenth and fifteenth centuries known as retablos. Dr. Vivian Mann's talk will examine examples of altarpieces painted by Jews and conversos (Jews who had converted to Catholicism), and the depictions of contemporary Jews and their synagogues on late medieval retablos.

Dr. Mann curated "Uneasy Communion: Jews, Christians, and Altarpieces of Medieval Spain," currently on display at the Museum of Biblical Art (MOBIA) in New York City. She is also the volume editor of the exhibition's catalog and author of one of its essays, "Jews and Altarpieces."


Related: "The Torah in the Altarpiece" (Tablet Magazine)

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Purim Culture Clash


So, we're walking out of shul when we see a woman with a baby hoisting her baby carrier up the stairs. Mom is dressed up as Dorothy in a very short dress and red glittery heels and all.

My husband turns back and says to me, "Do you think the baby is dressed as Toto?"

I said, "Oh my G-d. Don't ever say that dog's name to a Dominican person. Ever."

He asks, "Why not?"

Of course, at the same time, another Dominican woman from synagogue passes by and I relate the story to her. She can't stop laughing.

"But what does it mean?" my husband insists as he watches the Dominican woman laughing hysterically as she walks into synagogue.

"It's slang! It means vagina."

Friday, February 26, 2010

WAMU, I miss you. Chase sucks!

Last week, someone stole money from my bank account. They somehow managed to do an external transfer from my bank account for several hundred dollars directly to my cable company to an account that wasn't mine. Within...48 hours I had my money back. Over 24 hours too long in my opinion.

Well, today, the bank froze me out of my account after I entered the wrong pin at the ATM several times. (Husband forgot to tell me it had been changed for our new ATM cards.)

I intended to deposit the checks in person but the bank wasn't open and the ATM lobby was crowded with people keeping warm there while they waited for the bus.

I hate you (okay, I strongly dislike you) Chase Manhattan Bank, especially for not being open at 8:30am or even 9am or even 9:30am. You are not a New York City public school, banks do not get a snow day! Ask the "angry" postal workers about it.

And then transferring me 3 times when I explained calmly what had happened with the final person adding that I was locked out of the ATM for 24 hours but "The bank is open, ma'am" over the phone when I had told you repeatedly that it wasn't because I had been standing in front of it for an hour on the phone with you....!!!

And I told you that I had to keep walking out into the cold to give you my personal information so 15 people wouldn't hear it in the lobby.

That I had sprained my ankle on the way to the bank.

That your service sucks.

That somehow because my account was the victim of identify theft, I had to open a new account which conveniently did not feature free checking (WAMU, I miss you!) and that we had to beg for free checks...which you then forgot to put my name on!

I wish this was a Purim spoof of my real life but it isn't. I love my sister though, who--during the entire escapade--held my purse, my dry cleaning, my groceries and gave me an Icy Hot packet when I got home.

Points so far:

WAMU: :(
Chase: -1,000. You aren't open but the pet store, PETLAND is?!
Sister: +1,000, 000
Purim: -10 ONLY chocolate hamataschen available at the bakery.

What do the kids in Meah Shearim wear on Purim?



The Jews in Meah Shearim, an ultra-Orthodox neighborhood in Israel, take religion very seriously...just not other people's. Check out these adorable kiddies in matching Santa outfits.

Yeah, yeah, of course, I laughed (as did my sister) but I am not sending it to anyone who isn't Jewish.

(I needed the laugh, too. I just sprained my ankle in the snowstorm! And I think I got snow UP my skirt!)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Happy Purim, Everyone!


Rabbi Simcha Weinstein and I became Facebook friends recently. We're not even quite sure how it happened. But when I read this his bio, I wondered how in the world I'd never heard of him. An Orthodox (Chabad) rabbi who works at a prominent New York City art school (Pratt, which I applied to before I decided to major in English and forget my dream of becoming an illustrator) and loves pop culture and comic books?! And he's a blogger and a speaker, too? Why in the world didn't we connect early?

In the sixth episode of an ongoing satirical series about Rabbi Simcha's stint as the campus Chabad rabbi at Pratt, Art School Rabbi Purim Special (click to see a more eye-friendly size version of the comic), Rabbi Simcha explains the joys of Purim (which starts Saturday night).

Then connect to Rabbi Simcha...on Twitter, on Facebook and even YouTube or get his books on Amazon.com:

"Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century" (also available on Kindle)

"Up, Up, and Oy Vey: How Jewish History, Culture, and Values Shaped The Comic Book Superhero"

Cool Jewish Events: Out on the Bimah/An Open Conversation with Gay Clergy in Los Angeles


Event: Out on the Bimah/An Open Conversation with Gay Clergy in Los Angeles
Date: Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Time: 7:30pm
Place: The Writers Guild Theater, 135 S. Doheny Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90211

Purchase tickets at
http://outonthebimah.eventbrite.com/

There is such a thing as too open

I've always been a very open, outgoing person. In so many ways, this has led me to connect deeply to so many people. I think people are often surprised by how much they're willing to share with me, even readers who feel that I have already shared so much with them.

Early on, I made the mistake of making my private Facebook profile open to the public. (At least I had a choice, many writers are now being told by publishers and agents that they MUST do this.) Any reader or fan who requested was quickly allowed an extra kind of an all-access pass, even more access than the blog gave them.

But after many incidents, especially where one "fan" accused me via Facebook chat of not really being Hispanic because Spanish was not my first language...among other awful things, I decided that I had been too open. So open that now I felt violated. Making inside jokes amongst your friends is kind of impossible on Facebook when it's open to friends who won't even talk to you in public, family who doesn't even like you, coworkers who never liked you and so on and so on. There were times where Facebook so-called friends wrote awful things on my private profile and never explained them away with "If you knew me in person or if we knew each other better, then..." but I realized it was too late for that.

When a writing teacher suggested it, I joined Twitter to network and connect with Jews (especially converts and Jews of color), Latinos, writers, and chronic pain sufferers all over. I've been able to use Twitter to connect with like-minded people who are interested in the same things and keep me updated on related topics. Often, I can just scroll through Twitter and get writing ideas. But there have been times when Twitter has turned against me, when "fans" have secretly been people who wanted to pick fights with me all day or send me pornography or G-d knows what else.

I do envy bloggers who have a more readers, more comments because of an open policy on their blogs about who can comment on their page but I do not envy the way they have to constantly moderate them. Very few of the Jewish bloggers I know are in the same position I am, as a leader in the Jewish community (not just because of the rabbi's wife thing) but also as someone who helps many converts and newly observant Jew find their way in the Jewish community. So many of the comments I have moderated and deleted were not just personal attacks but reflected a kind of Jewish anti-Semitism that I didn't feel my readers needed to find here on my blog. There are so many other places, Jewish and not, online that they can find that. I want this blog to be a safer space.

But I think as someone who writes about their private life, I also need to make myself a safe space far away from my public persona. I think people think that I write about everything on my blog and my articles, that I talk about all the little details of my life in my speaking engagements but I don't. There are actually times when someone has asked me about a specific topic and I've said, I don't talk about work on Shabbat because what goes on in my blog, fan page, Twitter and speaking engagements is indeed work.

Most rabbis and wives are unbelievably careful about what they say about their personal lives because like any other public figures, they have to be. So what happens when a rabbi's wife makes her bread and butter by sharing intimate details about her personal life? Well, the hope is that people realize that like with a memoir, my public persona is only letting them see through a window into my house...but never into the whole house because I must protect my friends and family and myself from the, sometimes, ugly scrutiny of people who do not truly care about our emotional well-being.

Every now and again, someone from my "work life" has transitioned into a friend "outside work" after much work, more work probably than we would have done if we'd just met in person and very quickly gotten to know each other. I hope that the kind readers and fans who I turn away from my private Facebook profile understand that it has nothing to do them personally, it has everything to do with me discovering that there is such a thing as being too open. Even for me.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

BIG CITY MOVIE STAR MADNESS


A little girl in Israel I met during the conversion process emailed me this week to ask me if I've ever met anyone famous living in New York. In Israel, we used to walk to Blockbuster together and then watch films together. During our movie fast around The Three Weeks, we commiserated together over our hunger pains.

In high school, Jewish fashion designer Kenneth Cole came to my Fashion Illustration class and sat down and chatted with me personally about my artwork. He oohed and aahed over my work and told me, "You draw better than I ever could."

In college, I did get to meet famous author Mary Higgins Clark and I got an autograph from Jewish actor Mark Feuerstein (of the USA TV show "Royal Pains") just after "What Women Want" came out.

I've also run into Israeli-American actress Natalie Portman and actor Dustin Hoffman and a few other folk around the city. I've taken planes to and from Los Angeles with actresses Alyssa Milano (of "Charmed") and actress Rena Sofer, who is quite stunning in person and whose father is an Orthodox rabbi.

I've also had the opportunity to hang out with Orthodox rapper, Y-Love aka Yitz Jordan after we spoke on a Jews of color panel filmed by the Jewish Channel. I could hang out with him all day. He's just awesome! And cute!

I met actor (and actress Angelina Jolie's father) Jon Voight at a Shabbat meal in Riverdale. No joke. He sat next to me and at one point, offered to cut my food when he noticed I was having difficulty. Angelina Jolie's father cut my food. Yes. Really. He invited me and my husband to a movie premiere but we were going to spend Pesach in Los Angeles. Sigh!

Probably in Los Angeles, I've seen tons of actors I did or did not recognize. It seemed everyone there was somehow or another related to "the business."

But it's not really a big deal unless you really love the person's body of work and had meaningful personal interaction with them. When I was 10, wishing I'd someday work at Entertainment Weekly (I turned down a job there after college because I couldn't support myself and my recently kidnapped sister on the salary offered), I would have passed out if I'd met a celebrity.

In my preteen and teen years, I probably would have giggled and screamed uncontrollably. Now, if I can, I just say "Hello" or let them go about their merry way since I know they are probably hoping nobody recognizes them. My sister ran into Bradley Cooper and when he realized she'd recognized him, he literally ran the other way.

Monday, I spotted actors Bruce Willis (gorgeous! love the bald head!) and Adam Brody standing outside the movie premiere of "Cop Out" as a fellow blogger and I exited the movie theater where it was being held. We'd just seen "Up in the Air" and were starry-eyed over George Clooney but not too starry-eyed we couldn't get excited about Bruce Willis.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Religion on TV: Hot stuff!

@almostjewish on Twitter says: "Caprica" is *totally* hot. Serious religious thinking + hard sci fi = Where have you been all my life?

Caprica is a spin-off of Battlestar Galactica set way before the Cylons, humanoid machines, attempt to anniliate all of humanity by causing a nuclear holocaust. In this Caprica, the first Cylon has just been created after a member of the Soldiers of the One (STO), a religious group that believes in one true G-d (most of the humans believe in multiple gods), is killed in a terrorist attack and a computer geek mega-mogul puts his dead daughter's computer avatar into a sentient machine.

Now that I'm an observant Jew, I'm always fascinated by how religious people are portrayed on television. In Caprica, the mega-mogul's daughter comes to religion after one too many forays into group sex, drugs and partying all accessible on demand via holobands, a user interface technology that allows for seemingly fully immersive virtual reality. In this virtual reality, she finds STO and signs up but doesn't realize her boyfriend, who is also a member, has become fanatical until he blows himself up (and her, and hundreds of passengers) on a passenger train.

So far, in this world, religious people...

Blow themselves up
Run away from their parents (check)
Engage in polygamy way more complicated than ever seen on "Big Love"
Have conservative values (aka no killing people or partying in holoband world) (check)

Kinda fascinating if a bit eerie and utterly troubling?

Now I've got to figure out a whole different post on how Caprica deals with race and ethnicity which is also fascinating, eerie and utterly troubling.

Related:

Battlestar Galactica (Wikipedia)
"Caprica is a religious experience" (Wired Magazine)

Monday, February 22, 2010

Cool Jewish Events

Know of any cool Jewish events in your area that you think I should throw up onto the blog? If it's featuring Jews, I want to hear about it!

Big pluses: Jews of color, Jewish diversity, Jewish multiculturalism, Jewish converts, Jewish education....

Email me at jewminicana1 AT gmail DOT com

Cool Jewish Events: An Intimate Conversation with Devotion author Dani Shapiro



Event: An Intimate Conversation with Dani Shapiro, author of Devotion
Date: Monday, March 1, 2010
Time: 7pm
Place: JCC Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Avenue at West 76th Street, New York, NY 10023
Admission: $10/$15 (Get tickets in advance!)

Memoir Rant


Yeah, it's ironic that a person who was (emphasis on was) writing a memoir actually doesn't like reading memoirs. I guess I read one too many bad memoirs and trust me, there are lots of them. I will read just about anything until completion but there are so many memoirs I started and put down QUICKLY. I've found that I'm not a big fan of the gimmicky ones where someone decides to stop or start doing something for a year and I'm also not a fan of...well, memoirs. I prefer good old-fashioned fiction, sometimes with a twist of fantasy, a dash of vampires, true love or whatever makes me want to send several HEAVY copies to family members in Santo Domingo.


Someone told me that the parts in my now deceased (don't ask, won't tell) memoir where I talked about my childhood were riveting. Someone else more important told me to cut them all out because "child abuse memoirs had been done to death." Someone else said it was "too Dominican." So, really, has anyone else read a book where a Dominican-American girl runs away from home, kidnaps her sisters, fights her mother for custody and wins, then decides to convert to Judaism and falls in love and then marries a rabbinical student? Anybody? Seen it on the shelf? Anyone?


Memoir is so over that The New Yorker devoted an endless piece (okay, all The New Yorker pieces seem long after gobbling up soundbites in Time and Entertainment Weekly) to why it's soooo over: BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME: What does the popularity of memoirs tell us about ourselves? It all started with St. Augustine (good memoir, available on Kindle even) and ended with...everyone who Oprah featured on her show who later confessed their memoir was less than truthful or incredibly fictional (bad memoir). Of course, it ends with Oprah. Everyone who really believed I could write a great book said that I had to promise to take them on Oprah when she "discovered" me.


I met a writer recently who said that she was begging off of speaking engagements to focus on her book. Real writers know that writing a book, any book, is all-consuming. Writing belies any schedule because even when you find that you've put in the hours you promised, you still find yourself climbing out of the shower, soaking wet to jot down your latest innovation. G-d forbid you finish the shower and realize your idea went down the drain.


When you tell non-writers that you are writing a book, they blink back at you as if you've said you collect My Little Pony Stickers for a living (I'm not judging) and you are not really a person unless you have a publisher...or even if you do. Writers are not people, by which they mean people who make lots and lots of money or who have been "discovered" by Oprah and then gone on to make lots and lots of money.


Thankfully, I try to take all this with a grain of Kosher salt. When I read the reviews for people's memoirs, I look for the indictments critics like to throw around: whiny, self-indulgent, too many tics, woe-is-me and a new one "middle-class woman who needs more real problems but then she'd just write about those." Luckily, I ignored most of the reviews for Dani Shapiro's new book, Devotion. I did what I find myself doing all the time whether or not I like a review, I go to Amazon.com, see if it's available for Kindle and zap a "Sample" reading from the book into my Kindle. Based on that I decide whether a book is "Kindle-worthy," bookshelf-worthy, only library-loan-worthy, etc. Yes, I have been converted into the cult of Kindle (and everything that doesn't make the Kindle-worthy cut gets read on regular old paper on Shabbat).


I read the "Sample" for Shapiro's book and I didn't hesitate to click "Buy Now" at the end. I don't know very much about middle-class anybody but I know a little about writing, a little bit about Judaism and a lot about searching for spirituality in the midst of everything mundane. Shapiro, a novelist whose books I've never read, grew up Orthodox, went "off-the-derech" (which to Orthodox people means going in any direction away from Orthodoxy) and finds her heart clenching when she realizes her young son can't identify a mezuzah.


Now it's time to go finish my (her) book.

Cool Jewish Events: Orthodox conversion doc "Leap of Faith" hits Sarasota, FL

Event: "Leap of Faith" at Sarasota Film Festival
Date: Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Time: 5pm
Place: Sarasota-Manatee Jewish Federation Hall, 580 McIntosh Road, Sarasota, FL (941) 371-4546‎


Synopsis:

The feature-length documentary, LEAP OF FAITH, is the first film to explore the phenomenon of religious conversion. The film takes an in-depth look at one of modern man’s more dramatic and difficult spiritual journeys: a journey that moves the voyager to forsake the religion of parents, abandon the traditions of childhood and enter into a wholly new, often radically different system of belief and practice of worship. In LEAP OF FAITH we follow four families through their religious conversion from Gentile to Orthodox Jew. It is a decision that some will find courageous, others utterly absurd. We will witness a host of crises and triumphs and often surprising consequences. Seen from one perspective, our story is a story of ultimate devotion, from another ultimate betrayal.

At the New York Film Festival, I asked the directors when the film would be available on DVD so I could send a copy to each and every one of my family members in the Caribbean (and New York) so it could explain why I had converted in a way that I could never do in words. The film features a young Caribbean convert from Trinidad & Tobago who lets us follow her through the conversion process in New York City.

Cool Jewish Events: Rabbi Capers Funnye in Conversation with Ari L. Goldman



Event: Cool Jewish Events: Rabbi Capers Funnye in Conversation with Ari L. Goldman
Date: Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Time: 8:15pm
Place: The 92nd Street Y, Lexington Avenue @ 92nd Street, Buttenweiser Hall, New York, NY
Admission: $27 (20% off with Be'chol Lashon code BCHL)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Happy I'm Not Writing?

Last week when I posted I was going on hiatus indefinitely, I was surprised by the countless emails I received from readers who just wanted to make sure I was okay. I was just having a rough week physically and stress-wise and I needed a break. Nothing major.

But when I spoke to a friend about my hiatus, he mentioned that he was glad because now he could speak freely without worrying about ending up on my blog. Well, so much for that.

Even though I go to great lengths to protect many of my friends and family on the blog, I know it's hard for some of them to read about themselves even when they understand that no one knows the story I'm writing is about them specifically. Unfortunately, when you blog about your life, friends and family become characters in the stories you tell.

There are days I wish I had stayed anonymous and other days when I wonder if I should/can/want to keep doing this but what keeps me going is those fans who checked in on me and the people who tell me that I'm not only brave for sharing my story but that reading mine makes them feel like part of theirs is being told, too.

Defensive Maneuver: Conversion Judo

Annoying question at the Shabbos table from someone I barely knew: "Did you convert before or after you met him?" which, of course, really means..."did you convert for him or for yourself?" Usually, people just go with the latter and not the former. They're more upfront.

The whole table went preternaturally quiet when I said it was a "dumb question" and added that I "did not want to answer that." Temper. Temper. I felt and sounded defensive.

And I felt really bad because the table got so...unbelievably, painfully quiet. Usually that stuff just happens when I mention a gay ex-boyfriend or that I grew up on welfare or that I kidnapped my sister...or, well, you get the point. So, I was hoping someone would jump in and say something, anything, but they never did which made it worse.

When someone did say something, he said, "Wow, the conversation really died after that one, huh?" I finally added (or growled?), because I felt so guilty, that "I was converting BEFORE I met him" and even then it was so quiet. So very quiet.

I apologized afterwards on my way out to the hostess because I felt so terrible about "ruining lunch." Certainly mine had been ruined. But I could tell that I would not be forgiven so easily. If ever.

The person who had asked the question apologized profusely but the damage had been done. I was reminded that to this day, it is a rare Shabbat meal outside my home where I don't feel accosted by someone asking about my conversion/race/ethnicity, whatever their intentions (good or bad). Because even when intentions are made very plain, as they rarely are, the impact can still be the same. Pain, embarrassment, shock and horror.

This is why I continue to believe that conversion is a very private matter (like talking about your underwear with strangers) that shouldn't be discussed between people who barely know each other and I express this at every single speaking engagement I give on my life/conversion story, lest people assume that because "Aliza Hausman does it" that every convert wants to do Q&A at the Shabbos table, at Kiddush, during davening (prayer), standing outside of shul.... I know people, and I've heard it myself, who have said that when they didn't want to disclose information, they were called "touchy" because another convert was fine sharing that same information.

I know many converts, usually women and men of color, who have said that they feel that they "simply cannot deal with it anymore" and so they avoid Jewish events altogether when they've reached their breaking point. I think I am there already. Past it even. And I have been for quite a while. I just want to blend into the background, which I know is a luxury I sometimes have because of lighter skin, a rabbinical student husband (handy!) and a circle of Jewish friends about me.

Even I've caught myself putting people in uncomfortable positions, asking another Jew of color, "Where are you from?" and seeing that look in their eyes ("Oh, I hate f#%#ing that question!") when what I really meant was, "I'm from New York, are you from New York? I NEVER meet any Jews who are actually FROM New York. Though all of them seem surprised when I tell them I was born (didn't just grow up) in New York, do you ever get that?" Chances are, the answer, if I ask politely, is "Oh G-d, yes! Can we become Facebook friends so we can discuss this the next time it happens?"

People will tell you that if you just give them the information, they'll back off. But I find that once you open up the can of worms, people's curiosity is endless, exhausting, violating. The more information you give, the more they want. And "the can of worms" can be opened whether or not you mention conversion or being a convert.

People assume your skin color or hair texture is a dead giveaway for your "conversion" so sometimes, I can say absolutely nothing without having someone at the table turn to me and ask "my maiden name" or more plainly, "Are you a convert?" with an added "Well, sorry, you just don't look Jewish!" I call those my "I guess I didn't pass for Israeli" days when I stop to thank G-d for not ever having been called a shiksa, at least, because I'm not blond or blue-eyed.

At a big shul dinner when someone asks an awkward question and the spotlight is not on you, it's really easy to walk away. And I've done it quite well a couple of times. Even then, people rarely respond well when I've said, in the nicest way possible, "I don't feel comfortable discussing that with you." One convert of color said "It's, like, you can't win no matter what you do or say!"

So, we all sat there for what seemed like an endless eternity in the silence until the conversation restarted (barely) and even then, I had wanted to leave as soon as possible. But my husband kept missing every cue I tried to give him from across the table. All this after the host carefully positioned us in such a way that we could kick each other in case we made a faux pas. Usually, it's the husband kicking me! Usually, he's aching for his Shabbos nap or time alone with his seforim (books) but he was totally, purposefully oblivious this time because he thought I'd "handled things well."

Later, my husband added, "Hopefully, she'll think twice before asking that question of another convert!" But by that point, I was home, crawling into bed and crying and feeling too raw for the world outside home. Again.

Related: "The Do's and Don'ts of Talking to Converts"

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Reminder: Cool Jewish Events: Taste of Limmud in Downtown Manhattan

Event: Taste of Limmud NY in Downtown Manhattan
Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Time: 7-9pm
Place: Museum of Jewish Heritage: A Living Memorial to the Holocaust, 36 Battery Place, New York City
Admission: $10 minimum donation
RSVP: Click here.

Details:

"Join us for an exciting evening of learning and shmoozing. Text. Food. Comics. Midrash. Living history. Whatever your interest, it's all here under one roof.

See your friends from Limmud NY 2010 and get a taste of the Limmud NY-style learning you've been missing!

Plus, enjoy your first chance to get involved in planning Limmud NY 2011.

Sessions at the Taste of Limmud NY in Downtown Manhattan

The Search for Josef Mengele
with David Marwell, Director of the Museum of Jewish Heritage and former Chief of Investigative Research at the U.S. Department of Justice

One Language: Chavruta Text Study (Paired Learning)
with Jennifer Krause, rabbi and author of The Answer: Making Sense of Life, One Question at a Time

Highlights of the Museum Exhibition Tour
with docents from the Museum of Jewish Heritage

Reading Between the Lines, Panels, Pictures and Verses: Discover the Relationship Between Midrash, Bibliodrama and Comic Books
with David Wolkin, educator at Congregation Emanu-El and performer


Food for Thought: The New Jewish Food Movement
with Avigail Hurvitz-Prinz, educator at Hazon and contributor to the blog The Jew and the Carrot

For full descriptions, click here.

A touchy subject: Race and Dating Jewish

Hi Aliza,

I have an etiquette for you. I know this is a touchy subject.

I have a good friend who's very aggressively JDate-ing. She met a guy on whose name is very Jewish (last name Katz) and who went to a Jewish day school in Los Angeles. He looks black. She asked me when it's appropriate to ask if he's black. Let's leave aside for a minute that it seems like a redundant question.

What she wants to ask about his background. She's interested in him, but doesn't want to date someone who isn't halakhically Jewish, and she's concerned there may be a non-Orthodox conversion in his past.

My instinct here is that it's really rude and inappropriate to ask questions about his background up front. I feel like she's assuming that he's a less legitimate Jew because he's black. Her response is basically that she doesn't want to waste his time if he's not up to her standards of halakhic Jewishness.

Is there an appropriate context or situation to ask about his background? Or is it off limits and possibly racist to bring it up? Any other thoughts?

I hope you're doing well. I'm already missing your blog posts.

Best,

Concerned Pal


****

Dear Concerned Pal,

Whoa, heavy. Touchy, indeed. Okay, a little babble and a couple of deep thoughts.

Well, have you heard the joke now from Hillel rabbis: if the person has a Jewish last name, they're less likely to be Jewish than a person with "non-Jewish" last name. The whole "half Jewish on the wrong side" thing. Yeah, it's an awful joke.

A Jew of color can barely get through 2 minutes at any Jewish event without a background check. "Are you Jewish? Are you a convert?" People often don't even say "Hello." Obviously, there are plenty of black Jews who were born Jewish. But nobody believes this...apparently even black Jews. A black Jew asked me at a Shabbos table if I was born Jewish and then if I was "born in America."

But if you read my blogs, you know the drill. Otherwise, you wouldn't have asked me for advice. I think if you're sensing your friend is asking because he's black, then you're probably right on. And as a friend, you should tell her your concerns. It's going to be a lot easier coming from you than having her play out her racial insensitivities on this poor boy. I'm sure he's heard it all before but it gets tiresome. Give her my blog or MaNishtana's to chew over. Maybe it will raise her sensitivity or maybe she'll realize interracial dating is not for her. I dated one too many guys who thought my race and my hair height were a "disability." Waste-of-time!

So...how can she ask without totally ruining things about his background? Very, very carefully.

Don't assume he's not Jewish or that he must have converted just because he's black. Yeah, people often do that because of skin color usually or a "funny" last name but unless he actually announces, "Oh, my non-Jewish mother said...." or "I'm not Jewish but I love dating Jewish girls on JDate," don't assume. A teacher once told me, "Assumptions make an ass out of you and me."

But she CAN ask if his parents, grandparents, great-grandparents were Orthodox or very observant. But usually, if you want information, you have to vouch information first. She'll need to open up about her family background and observance level. Then wait. If he's comfortable sharing, then he'll share. Basically, ask about his observance level, his family's observance level, not his "Jewish status"...just like you would any other Jew you're dating. When she does pony up by saying, "Hey, I'm shomer Shabbos (Sabbath observant) and shomer this and shomer that and I'm looking for this and that" and if he says, "Oh, I'm not," well, as Tina Fey's Liz Lemon said on "30 Rock" this season, "it's a deal breaker."

That said, the only situation when you really start checking a person's yichus (lineage) is dating and marriage. I think I've said that a billion times about Ivanka Trump's conversion in 15 different posts. Miss Trump's conversion is between her, her rebbe and her husband.

Of course, there is this thing called tact. But it's interesting that I know so many white Jews who get into..."situations" because they never ask about their boyfriend about his yichus or observance level up front. Basically, if the guy's white and has a Jewish-sounding last name, people assume he's Jewish so why ask? And then it comes out that someone had a conversion that wasn't "kosher" enough for someone else, somewhere down the line in his family.

Okay, also notable...if she were a guy, particularly a Kohen, she would probably have to on date #1 and go through the "Kohen speech" just to make sure the other person is aware that he can't marry a person who is X, Y, Z. Before I even introduced myself as a convert (thank G-d, people were really tactful and sensitive with me plus I couldn't go more than 5 minutes without telling people I was), many Kohens I met would say "Hi, my name is X" and pretty quickly, "I'm a Kohen." I've seen the fallout of what happens when Kohens aren't so upfront with girls.

I also heard a horror story where a Kohen dissed a (born) Jew of color by implying she wasn't "kosher" enough for him, the implication being that she's either been more naughty than nice or that she was a convert. Honestly, in the case of a non-halakhic conversion somewhere down the line, if the person is invested, they're usually willing to sit tight while the paperwork and mikvay appointments get sorted out by their local something-or-other rabbi.

It sounds like she's already made her mind up and if she is, she's wasting his time. But I should be sensitive to the fact that if she's been doing JDate and "aggressively dating" as you've said, she feels like her time's been wasted long enough. It's hard. But the only way you get returns is if you invest even when investing can get you hurt. I know. Been stomped off enough to know. Just not on JDate.

Hope this helps.

Aliza Hausman

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My Imagination or Yours?

No, I must have just imagined that someone asked me if the reason why I was speaking at a Reform synagogue in Teaneck was because none of the Orthodox synagogues would have me. And if so, was I going to bash Orthodoxy to the non-Orthodox?

Wow, yes, my imagination is just working overtime....

Nope, wait, definitely didn't imagine it. It's someone else's imagination that is working overtime. I felt dirty just reading that email. I wish I had said, "What is wrong with you?" But I tried to be...more respectful. I think another friend was right when he noted the Orthodox person who asked this question was "projecting."

Anyway, if you're female and in Teaneck on Thursday, March 4, 2010, I hope to see you at my "Memoirs of a Jewminicana" A Women's Only Rosh Chodesh Event" at Temple Emeth. And just in case your imagination goes any crazier, let's just clear this up: it's a women's only event because it's celebrating Rosh Chodesh. I do, in fact, normally speak to mixed audiences...Orthodox or not.

Cool Jewish Events: Far From Zion: In Search of a Global Jewish Community


Event: Talk with Charles London, author of "Far From Zion: In Search of a Global Jewish Community"
Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Time: 7pm
Place: Be sure to sign up for more information on upcoming Jewish multicultural events: JCC Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Avenue at West 76th Street, New York, NY 10023
Admission: $7/$10


Join award winning writer Charles London as he speaks about his fascinating new book that blends history, geography, politics and personal memoir. His Journey across the globe reveals Jewish communities living their faith in inspiring ways and in surprising places. London travels thousands of miles while exploring the depths of his own soul. Co-sponsored with Be'chol Lashon.

Tue, Feb 23, 7:00 pm $7/$10

Cool Jewish Class: JTS@JCC - From Prato to Ghetto: The Jews of Renaissance Florence


Class: JTS@JCC - From Prato to Ghetto: The Jews of Renaissance Florence
Date: 3 Tuesdays, Feb 23-Mar 9, 2010
Time: 7pm
Place: JCC Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Avenue at West 76th Street, New York, NY 10023
Fee: $50/$60

Dr. Stefanie Siegmund, associate professor in Jewish History at The Jewish Theological Seminary (JTS) and author of The Medici State and the Ghetto of Florence: The Construction of an Early Modern Jewish Community (Stanford University Press, 2006), will lead you along the trail in Italian archives that documents Jewish daily life and culture at the height of the Renaissance and into the Catholic Reformation. Images from illustrated manuscripts, tombstones, art, and architecture will help bring the documents to life. The JCC member price also applies to alumni of The Jewish Theological Seminary.

Cool Jewish Events: Screening of Film, "The Name My Mother Gave Me"

Trailer:



Event: Screening of "The Name My Mother Gave Me"
Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Time: 7:30pm
Place: JCC Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Avenue at West 76th Street, New York, NY 10023
Admission: $8/$10

Dir. by Eli Tal-El (56 min, Israel, 2008)

We follow Ethiopian and Russian Israelis who meet at a leadership training program in Israel. Their year of learning culminates in a journey to Ethiopia where the Ethiopian born participants return to their native villages and confront their roots. Though, back home in Israel, all the participants would consider themselves members of the fringes of Israeli society, in the highlands of the Ethiopian landscape they discover the universality of their experiences and their shared commitment to their new home in Israel. How will this journey transform them?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Hiatus

Temporary indefinite hiatus. Stay tuned.

Update: People, I just needed a break! Don't worry. I'll come back. :)

In the meantime, you can still find me on my fan page. And if you haven't been reading since 2005, it's time to go back and check those posts out!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Cool Jewish Events: Taste of Limmud NY in Downtown Manhattan

Event: Taste of Limmud NY in Downtown Manhattan
Date: Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Time: 7-9pm
Place: Museum of Jewish Heritage: A Living Memorial to the Holocaust, 36 Battery Place, New York City
Admission: $10 minimum donation
RSVP: Click here.

Details:

"Join us for an exciting evening of learning and shmoozing. Text. Food. Comics. Midrash. Living history. Whatever your interest, it's all here under one roof.

See your friends from Limmud NY 2010 and get a taste of the Limmud NY-style learning you've been missing!

Plus, enjoy your first chance to get involved in planning Limmud NY 2011.

Sessions at the Taste of Limmud NY in Downtown Manhattan

The Search for Josef Mengele
with David Marwell, Director of the Museum of Jewish Heritage and former Chief of Investigative Research at the U.S. Department of Justice

One Language: Chavruta Text Study (Paired Learning)
with Jennifer Krause, rabbi and author of The Answer: Making Sense of Life, One Question at a Time

Highlights of the Museum Exhibition Tour
with docents from the Museum of Jewish Heritage

Reading Between the Lines, Panels, Pictures and Verses: Discover the Relationship Between Midrash, Bibliodrama and Comic Books
with David Wolkin, educator at Congregation Emanu-El and performer


Food for Thought: The New Jewish Food Movement
with Avigail Hurvitz-Prinz, educator at Hazon and contributor to the blog The Jew and the Carrot

For full descriptions, click here.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Jews & Haiti

By Lauren Srok

A beautiful thing happened to me yesterday, and I thought I would share it.

Yesterday, after my last class of the day ended at NYU, I stood outside chatting with one of my classmates on a corner. Another nursing student, a woman I know by sight but not by name, walked over to me.

"You...you're a Jew, rigtht?" She said to me.

I said yes.

She asked me if I was from Israel, and I said no, though I had lived there for a short time.

"I just wanted to say to someone from Israel...to any Jew really...thank you, because Israel, they're the only ones really helping my country."

"Are you from Haiti?" I asked.

"Yes, and the Israelis are the only ones who brought X-Rays!" Here she began to cry. "America that is so great and big and powerful and only Israel brought X-Rays and are really helping..."

I asked her if her family was there, and she said they were all still there. I didn't ask what had happened to them, and she didn't say. I hugged her and gave her a tissue. She thanked me again. I told her she and her family would be in my prayers, along with all the people of Haiti.

Every morning we ask Hashem (G-d, literally "the name") to "crown Israel with splendor." I guess this is what that means.

No one has ever thanked me for being Jewish before! :)

I was so proud of the Jewish people and our capacity for chesed (kindness) in that moment, and proud of Israel. I am also grateful to the amazing people who made that Kiddush Hashem, from Zaka to Hatzolah to the decision makers in the Israeli government. I am especially grateful to Hashem for letting me share in it.

Related: For Israelis, Mixed Feelings on Aid Effort"

Take that, wise guy!


Lest anyone think that most Jews agree with Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet's insensitive (and downright nasty) opinion piece in The Jewish Chronicle calling for fellow Orthodox rabbis to stop performing conversions, Miriam Shaviv, the foreign editor at the paper, responds with a piece called "An offensive conversion 'solution.'" In the piece, she defends converts (and Judaism itself) against what she calls a "global Orthodox conversion system" that is "broken."

Thank you, Miriam, for giving so many of us converts a voice with your piece. So many converts, including myself, were waiting for Jews-by-birth to respond to this Schochet's disgusting and incredibly hurtful editorial, an editorial that questions our very right to exist as Jews and extended to the right of our families to exist and be part of the larger Jewish community. I sincerely hope that your editorial will ring louder and truer than Schochet's, which honestly scared the crap out of many converts I know.

Schochet and some terribly misguided rabbis in Israel should not by no means be interpreted as the voice for all or even most Orthodox Jews, much less Orthodox rabbis...haredi or modern.

Related: "Beth Din rejects rabbis call for end to conversion"

"Rabbi blames inaccessible system for fall in conversions"

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"I am Israel" The documentary








"I am Israel" is a provocative documentary about Israel that will draw ire from critics, inspire some zionists and/or make people like me incredibly weepy.

Conversion Ettiquette

Question: I am at the beginning of the conversion process in the Conservative branch of Judaism. After I convert, I know I won't be recognized as a Jew by some Orthodox Jews. So how should I behave if I visit an Orthodox synagogue? As a Jew? As a non-Orthodox Jew? As a gentile?

Response from MyJewishLearning.com: (and I get a notable mention!)

I know a lot of converts wonder about this, Daniel, but don't worry so much about "acting like" a Jew or a gentile. Be yourself! It is a good idea to be prepared for some of the circumstances you might be presented with in an Orthodox synagogue, so here's some information to help guide you.

I consulted with Rabbi Marc Angel, Rabbi Emeritus of Congregation Shearith Israel in New York, and author of Choosing to Be Jewish: The Orthodox Road to Conversion. He said that a person with a non-Orthodox conversion who visits an Orthodox synagogue, "does not need to say anything to anybody unless asked."

Read more here.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Oops, Sensitivity Fail

Obviously, becoming an Orthodox Jew has made me more sensitive to things.

Because of my IBS, I was already careful about what I ate but now I have to also make sure every restaurant I eat in has proper kashrut (kosher) certification and everything I buy at the store has a proper hecksher (kosher seal of approval!).

I find that I also have an especially low tolerance for watching (formerly beloved) female singers gyrate and pole dance in all their music videos. Part of me goes "put some clothes on!" and the other thinks "wait, huh, how does she do that?"

When I see people of the opposite sex touch on-screen even casually, I notice it. My mother had already trained me to cover my eyes as a kid for "sex scenes" but now I don't even want to be in the room. Honestly, I would like it if I could get a "clean" version of HBO and Showtime shows. Right now, I just fast-forward.

When I watch people eat on-screen, I say all the blessings in my head for the food they are eating.

But imagine my surprise when I gave a married Orthodox Jewish friend a yoga video I love, "AM and PM Yoga" and she told me it was hard to watch.

Why?

The guy (Rodney Yee) is wearing a speedo and nothing else!

Oops, my bad. I hadn't really noticed....

Scroll to 14:20 and you see what made my friend uncomfortable.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Does G-d Believe in Comic Books?


According to the Ramban's Thirteen Principles of Faith, we, Jews, believe that "that the dead will be brought back to life when G-d wills it to happen."

Okay, but what happens if you remarried and your first wife comes back? Dum-dum-DUM! (That's eerie music playing in the background, duh.)

Anyway! Will it be, like, before "Crisis on Infinite Earths" (DC Comics) where there was an Earth-one and an Earth-two and each Earth had, like, it's own Superman? So they'll be, like, alternate universes?

Whew, this is too big for my pretty little head. ;)

Luckily, I'm sure G-d has read "Crisis on Infinite Earths" (after all, it's only $19.79 on Amazon.com) and thought about this. I wonder if G-d has also considered "resurrection technology"....


Related:

Book I wish I'd purchased at the YU (Yeshiva University) annual Soy Seforim Jewish book sale! (Sale ends February 15!) Sadly, I went WAY over my book budget this month: "Jews in America: A Cartoon History"



There's even a Hispanic version: "Latino USA: A Cartoon History, written by Mexican Jewish writer Ilan Stavans.



Also check out: "American Judaism: A History" by Jonathan D. Sarna. Not a comic book but very engaging and interesting.

Related: "Up, Up, and Oy Vey: How Jewish History, Culture, and Values Shaped The Comic Book Superhero" by Rabbi Simcha Weinstein

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Mini-Movie Review: Off and Running



At the beginning of the documentary, "Off and Running," Avery Klein-Cloud seems like just your regular, average Brooklyn teen. She's a pretty, athletic, self-assured African-American teenager. She's a top member of the Erasmus High School track team with the prospect of college scholarships in her future. She comes from a happy, stable family, comprised of two white Jewish lesbian mothers (one called Mama, the other called Imma) and her two adorable brothers--both also transracially adopted, her stoic Princeton-bound older brother looks mixed, the younger one is Korean and irrepressibly cuddly. But everything goes awry when Avery seeks out her birth mother, a decision that takes her on a path far, far from smooth.

All the issues I expected that you read about transracial adoption were addressed. When an Asian therapist who is also a transracial adoptee asks Avery if she feels black, Avery responds dumbfounded but poignantly, "I'm not sure what that means." Avery talks about how her skin color made her Jewish classmates in school assume things about her that weren't there. She explains that she was really just like them, raised with white Jewish parents. But it's clear at a reunion that these former classmates see her as being different and exotic and that race is issue discussed with notable discomfort for everyone involved.

Avery has little exposure to African-American culture until she moves from Jewish day school to the New York City public school system for high school and the film explores this extensively. But it's clear that while Avery feels like her parents don't understand how her "black side," her black Christian friends don't get her either. These friends don't quite know what to make of Avery's Korean little brother or her lesbian mothers. In Avery's home, at practice, these friends offer prayers to Jesus that make Avery clearly visibly uncomfortable. Avery seems most comfortable, most at peace, with a close friend, a transracially adopted Latina, and her brothers.

The story takes an unexpected downward spiral when Avery's birth mother responds in an unexpected way that throws Avery's entire family, especially herself, for a loop. What on the surface seems like typical teenage rebellion is quite obviously depression and a cry for help at a time of particularly heavy emotional turmoil. But whatever you call it, it is quite painful to watch as Avery's happy life falls apart and she finds herself "off and running" from her support system.

As a complete outsider to the world of transracial adoption and the happy families, I wonder how an insider will see this film differently. For me, there were many moments in the film, particularly towards the end, when I wished someone, anyone, her parents, her older brother, her timid boyfriend would shake Avery back to herself and make her realize that in her search to "find herself" and where she "really comes from," she nearly loses everything...especially herself. When Avery finally reaches this realization by herself, it feels like too much has been lost already.


"Off and Running" Movie Review (NY Post, 1/29/10)

"Off and Running" Movie Review (Forward, 2/2/10)

Cool Jewish Events: Children of the Bible NY Premiere (American Sephardi Film Festival)


Event: Children of the Bible (American Sephardi Film Festival)
Date: Thursday, February 11th
Time: 7:00pm
Place: The Center for Jewish History 15 West 16th Street, New York, NY

Admission:
$30 General Admission
$25 ASF & YUMuseum members, students and seniors
$250 Opening Night Friend (includes the above for two (2) + VIP
pre-screening reception and listing in Festival Program)

Festival Pass:
Admission to all Center for Jewish History screenings (except Opening & Closing Nights)
$100 General
$75 ASF & YU Members, students and seniors

NY PREMIERE

The rapper and informal educator, Jeremy "Cool" Habash, exposes us to the complex situations facing Ethiopian-Israeli youth. Jeremy works towards changing the humiliated and depressed image of the Ethiopian community in Israel, both in its own eyes and in the eyes of Israeli society, by bringing members of the Ethiopian community closer to their tradition - the songs, the meaning of the Ethiopian names, stories about the lives of the Ethiopian community and about the journey that has taken on mythical proportions

Director: Nitza Gonen. Israel 2009, 53 mins. Hebrew and Amharic w/English subtitles.

Followed by Closing Night Dessert Reception.

Oh no, he didn't! "Why Orthodox Rabbis Must Stop Conversions"


A prospective convert appears before a rabbinical court in Israel. Photo Credit: Jewish Chronicle

In "Why Orthodox Rabbis Must Stop Conversions," (Jewish Chronicle of London, 2/4/10), as the title notes, Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet tells Orthodox rabbis that they need to stop converting people "for the foreseeable future (except perhaps in special circumstances such as adoptions)."

Expletive! Expletive! Expletive!

Now, I would love to give this rabbi a piece of my mind. What convert wouldn't? This is one of the most disgraceful things I have read about the current "conversion crisis" and trust me, I've read a lot of disgraceful things about it. This piece, in particular, is a disgrace to Judaism and a personal affront to all converts!!!!

Why is it that it's converts who constantly have to pay because the rabbis can't get their acts together? Why? Why? Why?

Oh dear, I think I'm going to be sick...from reading this.

And please don't tell me not to take it personally. I would like this rabbi to stand before me and other converts and read this piece aloud. And then I will tell him truly why I feel like he's just spat in all our faces. I feel like I have to go wipe the slobber off right now. Also, perhaps if he saw our faces, our reactions, our heartbreak, he would feel a sense of shame.

He writes passionately: "Conversion is the single biggest issue ripping at the fabric of Jewish society. If we persist in our current trend, we will self-destruct."

But dear rabbi, if the Jewish people self-destruct, it will be because of rabbis like you. Not us sincere converts.

This is not Judaism.

***
If you want to give Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet a piece of your mind, here are some ways to contact him:

http://twitter.com/RabbiYYS

office@millhillsynagogue.co.uk

Related: "Who is a Jew?"

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Cool Jewish Events: Indian-Israelis Book Talk @ Library of Congress

Event: Indian-Israelis Book Talk @ Library of Congress
Date: Tuesday, February 9th, 2010
Time: Noon
Place: Library of Congress, the foyer of the Asian Reading Room located in Room 150 of the Thomas Jefferson Building at 10 First Street S.E., Washington, D.C
Admission: Free

Details:

Israelis of Indian descent continue to live on the periphery, where they were settled by the state of Israel between the 1950s and 1970s. The story of Indian migration, acculturation and identity in Israel is the subject of a new book by Maina Chawla Singh titled “Being Indian, Being Israeli: Migration, Ethnicity and Gender in the Jewish Homeland.”

The event is sponsored by the Asian Division, the Asian Division Friends Society and the Library of Congress Hebrew Language table in cooperation with the Embassy of India.

Maina Chawla Singh is an associate professor at the University of Delhi, India, and a Scholar-in Residence at American University in Washington, D.C. From 2005 to 2008, Singh conducted research and lectured in Israel at Bar-Ilan, Haifa and Tel Aviv universities. In 2008, she was a scholar-in-residence at Haddasah-Brandeis Institute in Waltham, Mass. The following year, she was a fellow at the Schusterman Center for Israel Studies at Brandeis University. She holds a doctorate in history and a master’s in philosophy.

Jewish Here, Not Jewish There

It's articles like these "Jewish in Tel Aviv, Gentile in Ashkelon" (2/3/10, The Jewish Daily Forward) that led to the following joke I make in one of my speeches:

"In America, I am Dominican but in the Dominican Republic, I am American and in Israel, whatever I am depends on a couple of angry rabbis."

What a life!

I heard another Orthodox Jewish woman who converted in America say of this of the situation in Israel: "I'd like to see those rabbis try to take my Judaism away from me. They would have to take it away from me while I was kicking and screaming. I would fight and I would never stop fighting."

Now imagine if they try to take Judaism away from her children. Well, I think it's safe to say things would get ugly, no? But then things have already gotten ugly, haven't they?

2010 Be’chol Lashon Media Awards/For Excellence in Reporting on Global Judaism


2010 Be’chol Lashon Media Awards

For Excellence in Reporting on Global Judaism

Write about Jews Around the World - Win $1,000

Deadline: February 26, 2010
NO ENTRY FEE

(NEW! Nominate your favorite article from the past year. Prizes include a Be'chol Lashon T-shirt or keychain flashlight. Now, you best me nominating your favorite pieces from this blog!!!)


Call for Entries

Established in 2008, the Be'chol Lashon Media Awards honor excellence in coverage of the ethnic and racial diversity of world Jewry. Subjects may include profiles of individuals or groups or reports on Jewish communities of color (African/African American, Asian, Latino/Hispanic, and Native American/Indigenous). Work will be evaluated on originality, depth, sensitivity, accuracy of reporting and impact. Particular emphasis on creativity will be placed on entries in the new media category. Judges may reassign entry categories or refrain from making awards in any category.

Categories

Print Media: Newspapers and magazines, including general circulation and ethnic press, of any circulation size. $1,000

Broadcast: Local and network television and radio. $1000

Film: Nonfiction general release/independent film. Please no film trailers. $1,000.

New Media: Web sites, blogs, podcasts, and online multimedia. $1,000
Entry Requirements

One entry per person. No entry fee.

Open to staff or freelance reporters; editors; producers for newspapers, magazines, television, radio, and film; individuals and teams.

All entrants certify that work submitted is as it appeared on its original date of publication/airing.

Deadline: February 26, 2010. Postmark accepted.

Submissions

Please use the entry form to submit your work for consideration.

Broadcast, film and new media entrants may, if they choose, submit their work on DVD or audio CDs and mail them to:

Be’chol Lashon Media Awards
PO Box 591107
San Francisco CA 94159-1107

For more information, email Awards@BecholLashon.org or call 415.386.7900.

Black and Jewish: African American Jewish Identities in the Early Twenty-First Century

Black and Jewish: African American Jewish Identities in the Early Twenty-First Century

Dr. Jamie Wilson is partnering with Be'chol Lashon on his upcoming book, Black and Jewish: African American Jewish Identities in the Early Twenty-First Century. It will be a collection of autobiographical narratives that expands the definition of what it means to be Jewish in the early twenty-first century. The essays will give voice to those who stand at the intersection of African American and Jewish communities, documenting the history and traditions of Jews of African descent in the United States.

If you identify as African American and Jewish (Conservative, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Reform, Renewal, post-denominational, or secular), please consider sharing your spiritual journey with us. In thinking about your essay of 1,500 to 3,000 words, please consider some of the following questions:

What movement (Conservative, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Reform, Renewal, Unaffiliated) of Judaism do you belong to? Why did you choose this one? If you are a secular Jew, what do you see as the position of secular Jews in Judaism?

How do you describe your ritual observance? Do you have a favorite Jewish Holiday? Why is it your favorite holiday?

How do your Jewish and African American identities intermingle and coexist? How do you navigate your religious community and your racial community?

If you are an African American Jew by Choice, why did you choose to convert to Judaism? From which faith did you convert? Do vestiges of your previous faith coexist with your Jewishness? How did your family understand your conversion?

If you were born Jewish, explain the Jewish heritage you inherited.

If you see your Jewish identity as a returning to Judaism, explain your notion of return. Why did you return?

What is your Hebrew name? If you selected it, how did you select it? If it was given to you, why was it given to you? What does it mean?

What is the place of the State of Israel in your life?

What do you see as the future of Judaism?

The deadline is June 1, 2010. Essays will be edited by Dr. Wilson. Due to publishing constraints, only a select number of essays will be published in the book. The remaining essays will be featured on the Bechol Lashon website.

Please also include a photograph of yourself, and let us know if you have any questions.

For more information and to share your spiritual journey, please e-mail bechol_lashon@jewishresearch.org. Or call us at 415-386-2604.

Related: Be'chol Lashon monthly newsletter All the news and more on Jewish diversity at your fingertips. Sign up today!