Head Case: Update on My Head Covering Woes

Getting snood-y.

Today even the Rastafarian beret failed me. I threw it on over my head to join my husband for his birthday dinner and well, it hurt. A lot. I figured, I hoped, it would get better but by the end of the meal, I was cowering in my corner with pain.

That was when I decided to stop covering my hair.

Just kidding! Calm down.

Tomorrow I am biting the bullet. I am getting a fancy haircut at Ouidad, a hair salon for the curly-haired. I am getting a drastic downgrade from my "shoulder length," two feet tall hair. This will make my head proportional to most head coverings but I don’t know what it will mean for my fibromyalgia flare-ups.

Here’s what I have uncovered about the most convential hair coverings after some sleuthing:

So cute and so cruel.

Tichels/Head Scarves:

I think that tichels (head scarves) are a big no-no for me. Tying them, no matter how loosely, across the nape of my neck leads to pain. And the way they pull my hair back in the front leads to pain. I went into a rage at the supermarket the other day when I wrapped a tichel around my head (“You look like a nun,” my husband said.) and it led to a major flare-up in aisle 3. My husband told me to take it off but I didn’t because my hair looked like wild animals had attacked my head and I would have felt naked without something, anything, on my head. Instead, I made him distract me by taking me to Best Buy to get Twilight on DVD. It didn’t help the pain but it helped my soul.

Bandanas:

As I’ve mentioned before, I am Hispanic and wearing the wrong colored bandana might get me shot in the wrong neighborhood. This is a constant worry.

Sheitels/Wigs:

No, I don’t think I will ever wear a sheitel. I think it’s wrong to do so after taking a militant stance against my family and all those curly-hair haters out there. I will not break my vow to keep my hair curly and that includes wearing straight-haired sheitels. Don’t even get me started on curly-haired sheitels. UGLY. Plus I don't think I'm ready to cut off enough hair to actually stick a sheitel on my head. My sister notes, "Ew, I don't think I could wear someone else's hair on my head."

Turbans:

Turbans. Heehee. Sorry. Teehee. If you can rock a turban, then you are obviously much cooler than me.

Snoods:

I once tried on a snood. Keep in mind that my head is vertical. I looked like Marge Simpson.

Pre-tied Bandanas:

See Marge Simpson.

Beret:

Berets are not created equal. The Rastafarian beret is infinitely more comfortable than any other berets I’ve bought from Jewish websites. Keep in mind though that I’m more sensitive than most. I have never been able to wear hats because of my hair so I don’t know why I thought these would be different.

Headbands:

The headband is going to make a comeback. These are usually the least bothersome head coverings if I get them the right size for my big melon head and they’re not too tight. Perhaps now that my hair will be shorter people will actually be able to SEE them on my head and I won’t get called a hypocrite. Check out the fabulous new additions to Coveryourhair.com.

Notice that all the women in the pictures have straight hair or straight-hair wigs? Ahem. That's because these head coverings are not made or modeled in mind for women with afros or kinky hair. Maybe head coverings are just racist? (Or at least that's what I'll tell people if I ever stop covering my hair. Telling them about my fibromyalgia will only confuse them and the racism bit will just floor them since they'd probably be expecting a rant about feminism.)

Meanwhile, my sister is an angel. After watching me flail about for a head covering before the wedding, she organized all my head coverings by size, shape, type so it will be easier for me to troll my closet for the right one.

Please keep me in your positive thoughts. This seems like a post about hair and head coverings but when it comes down to it, the bigger problem seems to be my chronic fibromyalgia flare ups.