Monday was a good day. Nothing say loving like waking up at 2pm. Wasn't a hard day by any means. I purchased Season 1 of Firefly over the internet and had to go pick it up so my sister could catch up before watching the film based on the series, Serenity. Great flick if you've seen the show. Not sure how it would hold up if you haven't. By the way, Sunday's movie was The Family Stone which I highly recommend. There's alot more drama that you'll expect out of the ensemble comedy but it works out okay if you try not to focus on the tiny "ick" factor. Alright, back to Monday. Caught Serenity with Drew who is back from being Superman and helping out in the South. After that, I hung out with the boyfriend back from Israel. Now, I'm trying to keep my eyes open (barely) to watch some episodes of Serenity before reading a bad romance novel and scarfing down some rice-beans-chicken that my sister cooked up. Yay, Crysalys!
Oh, up this week:
1) Chanukah party
2) 1999 Party on New Year's
3) Chaia's Mini Birthday Party
4) Violin Concerto at the Philharmonic
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Monday, December 26, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Reverse Anti-Semitism?
As an almost Jew, one of the ways I find that I am lacking enormous amounts of information is when I run into the most traditional, Orthodox, well-versed, whatever you want to call it, Jews. These are the Jews who are superbly observant and do not think twice. They can summon together an eloquent dvar Torah in seconds. More often than not, I find myself feeling very far removed from these particular Jews, more than I would have thought considering that I plan to be fairly observant. A friend of Devora's came over for lunch at Devora's house on Shabbos and when Devora requested he used more "English words" instead of "Hebrew words" that I didn't understand yet, he seemed affronted. In fact, when he did try to substitute an English word with a Hebrew word, he made a face and then he eventually gave it. I didn't understand anything he was trying to say and I felt purposely left out. Yes, he knew I was converting but he's not the first person to put me in this situation nor the last. As Jews and almost Jews aren't we supposed to help others become better Jews or better people? How do we do that if we cut ourselves off from them? We don't. We cut ourselves off and we put ourselves in danger. People will not understand us and we will not understand them and that is scary. Now, that we are not in ghettos, why would we put ourselves in ghettos of our own making?
My sisters who will never aspire to be Jews will be joining me at Chanukah parties this season and I think about how much my life has changed and how much theirs has changed. Perhaps they weren't your regular anti-Semites but they certainly did not understand anything about Judaism before I decided to convert besides the idea that Jews don't believe that Jesus in the Messiah. Now my sister pauses before she buys Christmas wrapping paper to wrap "everyone's gift." Now my secular friends are utterly fascinated by the blessings I must make on food and my students want me to write their names in Hebrew.
My sisters who will never aspire to be Jews will be joining me at Chanukah parties this season and I think about how much my life has changed and how much theirs has changed. Perhaps they weren't your regular anti-Semites but they certainly did not understand anything about Judaism before I decided to convert besides the idea that Jews don't believe that Jesus in the Messiah. Now my sister pauses before she buys Christmas wrapping paper to wrap "everyone's gift." Now my secular friends are utterly fascinated by the blessings I must make on food and my students want me to write their names in Hebrew.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
DJ & Chaia's Party Minutes
(Minutes in no particular order!)
Amy and I start mini sexy dance party.
Devora plays "Everytime" for the billionth time.
Chaia falls down while dancing...ahem, one too many drinks.
Harvey's pervie roommate tries to hump Chaia's leg.
Harvey's pervie roommate asks Amy if she has a "belly ring because she's sexy and its sexy."
My sister, with wide eyes, asks me how many people I know at this party.
Esther and Shlomo dance on their way out.
Esther, Shlomo and Josh head bop to the music on the windowseat.
Chaia crushes a glass while mixing a drink.
Hinda gives partygoers the evil eye.
Harvey and Devora hug goodbye.
HPR drops liquor all over the floor.
17-year-old Tova gets VERY drunk.
Chaia and I switch Devora's pink IPOD of girlie music with HARD ROCK MUSIC from Chaia's IPOD.
I pour water on Tova's head to calm her down. (What? What? I was trying to help. Okay, fine, I can't stand drunk people!)
Harvey and friends dance to Counting Crow's "Accidently in Love."
Amy chills with Tova to make sure she's okay.
Guy from downstairs comes up to complain about the noise and stays for drinks, food and teasing Chaia.
Devora sings to "Everytime" from the windowseat.
Harvey, my sister and I bop and dance to a Jet song.
I hid from bad dance music in Devora's bedroom.
Seth/Jeremy Sisto dances to Janiraquoi and wows the crowd.
Ben sings his cool song about frum girls.
Jennifer takes out a 8' by 11" photograph of self and fiance.
Devora is attacked by appletini bottle?
Chaia passes out on the mattress in Devora's room.
Girls dance to "Everytime" for the hundredth billionth time.
Guy from downstairs unplugs Devora's pink IPOD to play dance, rap, Arabic and Persian music.
Guy from downstairs leans precariously out the window.
People on the stairs offer Tova a cigarette (or at least that's what I hope it was).
Amy asks the people on the stairs for song requests.
Amy, me, my sister, Tova and others dance to "Baby Got Back."
Tova talks to people on the stairs, renamed "Dropouts," about dance moves.
Sober people in the room: Hinda, my sister and me.
Amy and I start mini sexy dance party.
Devora plays "Everytime" for the billionth time.
Chaia falls down while dancing...ahem, one too many drinks.
Harvey's pervie roommate tries to hump Chaia's leg.
Harvey's pervie roommate asks Amy if she has a "belly ring because she's sexy and its sexy."
My sister, with wide eyes, asks me how many people I know at this party.
Esther and Shlomo dance on their way out.
Esther, Shlomo and Josh head bop to the music on the windowseat.
Chaia crushes a glass while mixing a drink.
Hinda gives partygoers the evil eye.
Harvey and Devora hug goodbye.
HPR drops liquor all over the floor.
17-year-old Tova gets VERY drunk.
Chaia and I switch Devora's pink IPOD of girlie music with HARD ROCK MUSIC from Chaia's IPOD.
I pour water on Tova's head to calm her down. (What? What? I was trying to help. Okay, fine, I can't stand drunk people!)
Harvey and friends dance to Counting Crow's "Accidently in Love."
Amy chills with Tova to make sure she's okay.
Guy from downstairs comes up to complain about the noise and stays for drinks, food and teasing Chaia.
Devora sings to "Everytime" from the windowseat.
Harvey, my sister and I bop and dance to a Jet song.
I hid from bad dance music in Devora's bedroom.
Seth/Jeremy Sisto dances to Janiraquoi and wows the crowd.
Ben sings his cool song about frum girls.
Jennifer takes out a 8' by 11" photograph of self and fiance.
Devora is attacked by appletini bottle?
Chaia passes out on the mattress in Devora's room.
Girls dance to "Everytime" for the hundredth billionth time.
Guy from downstairs unplugs Devora's pink IPOD to play dance, rap, Arabic and Persian music.
Guy from downstairs leans precariously out the window.
People on the stairs offer Tova a cigarette (or at least that's what I hope it was).
Amy asks the people on the stairs for song requests.
Amy, me, my sister, Tova and others dance to "Baby Got Back."
Tova talks to people on the stairs, renamed "Dropouts," about dance moves.
Sober people in the room: Hinda, my sister and me.
Equal Opportunity Blog
Hey, Amy G complained about the fact that you have to be a "registered user" to blog on my site so I have made it possible for all to blog their comments.
Meanwhile, I am half an hour to my first Chanukah/Birthday party for Devora and Chaia. Hiding in Devora's room but she's making me come out and socialize.
Ew.
Meanwhile, I am half an hour to my first Chanukah/Birthday party for Devora and Chaia. Hiding in Devora's room but she's making me come out and socialize.
Ew.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Low Energy, Nightmares, Etc.
It hurts to walk. Last night, I didn't make it walking back all the way home. I made it up to 90th and Broadway before I had to give in and try to snag a cab. The cab took me to 123rd Street and charged me $10. Then another cab charged me $10 more dollars to get me across town. I paid $20 to get a stomachache and a great deal of motion sickness. I still think the MTA union workers did the right thing but I wish schools had been cancelled. We only had about 20-25 students on any given day. Most of the kids actually made a showing today after their three day vacation.
The new boots are much more comfortable to walk in than my snow boots. The real way to test shoewear is to walk more than 60 blocks in them! Meanwhile, I did end up returning some of the earrings. I wanted to check out a movie yesterday, jonesing to see The Family Stone, Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (I have a weakness for family films), Fun with Dick and Jane, Rumor Has It, Brokeback Mountain, Yours Mine and Ours and maybe even King Kong again! Luckily I have off from the December 24th to January 2nd. Hooray, I love being a teacher, hooray!!!! If anyone's interesting in joining me to see any of these movies, let me know via blog or email. I have discount tickets for Monday through Thursday.
Staying at Devora's this Shabbos and forcing myself to go to shul despite my inability to walk in a straight line and being utterly exhausted. I know I should be finishing To Be a Jewish Woman and reading up on Chanukah but I foresee that I will be sleeping more often than not in-between meals. Hopefully, I'll be sleeping much better than I did last night. I went to bed around 10pm because even though I was exhausted,I couldn't sleep and then I had the worst dreams about my littlest sister (now 10) dying. As you can imagine, I didn't wake up in the jolliest mood. In my mom's spanish voodoo religion, dreams always mean something, I will surmise that both my body and mind are exhausted.
My little sisters have agreed to join me at the shul's Chanukah event next week so that should be interesting! This will be the first time that my Wiccan sisters set foot in a shul. Meanwhile, my aunt who used to have plenty of anti-Semitic things to say emailed me a Chanukah card. Wow.
The new boots are much more comfortable to walk in than my snow boots. The real way to test shoewear is to walk more than 60 blocks in them! Meanwhile, I did end up returning some of the earrings. I wanted to check out a movie yesterday, jonesing to see The Family Stone, Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (I have a weakness for family films), Fun with Dick and Jane, Rumor Has It, Brokeback Mountain, Yours Mine and Ours and maybe even King Kong again! Luckily I have off from the December 24th to January 2nd. Hooray, I love being a teacher, hooray!!!! If anyone's interesting in joining me to see any of these movies, let me know via blog or email. I have discount tickets for Monday through Thursday.
Staying at Devora's this Shabbos and forcing myself to go to shul despite my inability to walk in a straight line and being utterly exhausted. I know I should be finishing To Be a Jewish Woman and reading up on Chanukah but I foresee that I will be sleeping more often than not in-between meals. Hopefully, I'll be sleeping much better than I did last night. I went to bed around 10pm because even though I was exhausted,I couldn't sleep and then I had the worst dreams about my littlest sister (now 10) dying. As you can imagine, I didn't wake up in the jolliest mood. In my mom's spanish voodoo religion, dreams always mean something, I will surmise that both my body and mind are exhausted.
My little sisters have agreed to join me at the shul's Chanukah event next week so that should be interesting! This will be the first time that my Wiccan sisters set foot in a shul. Meanwhile, my aunt who used to have plenty of anti-Semitic things to say emailed me a Chanukah card. Wow.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Day Three of the Strike
Too exhausted to blog in a manner deemed sufficient for my readership. Must crawl into bed and lie there with tongue sticking out to signify exhaustion. Full body pain.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Day 2 of the Strike
Where do I start? I guess from the beginning. I crawled out of bed to find out that even though school started two hours later, I only had “an hour grace period” to be at work. Good thing I left home at 9:19 and I had to be at work before 10:19 to make the grace period. Did I mention that I had to walk from the east side to the west side and all the 58 blocks plus avenues in-between? Luckily, my little sister joined me. Thank G-d. We made it into work just before 11am after power walking the stretch from 86th down.
When I reached work I found out that I had to do all this stuff in my room which meant walking around on my scrawny, out of shape little legs. I put up the “word wall” and my sister “leveled” the library and what nonsense. I can’t believe I got any work done. I had to “teach” English 9th period (the last period of the day) and the seniors were really rowdy. I actually had to write one up for behavior and one of the deans basically said he was going to ignore it despite the threats, racial slurs against other students and yada yada the kid uttered. What’s the point of coming into school to be an *SS? There were about twenty students present.
I survived the school day and had to get back home and we also had plans for King Kong. I know, really pushing it. Not only do we have to walk up 58 blocks but we’re going to go see a film afterwards. We walked slowly which was probably really stupid. My hips hurt, my legs hurt, my thighs hurt. We made stops along the way to purchase earrings (mine all died in the kitty litter incident of November), purchase boots (because I walked in my thermal snow boots which are going to become useless soon in the snow) and underwear (because, look I don’t have to explain this one). I’m not sure what was more painful, the dent to my budget or the pain in my legs. I’d say both. Knowing that people will be judgmental, I have plenty of explanations for all purchases and um, I’m returning some of the earrings, okay?
We left my job around 3:35pm but didn’t make it uptown until around 7pm. Yes, we made it to the 7:10pm showing of King Kong at the Magic Johnson theater. Can I say that the film was fantastic? Possibly one of the best films I’ve ever seen. Literally heart-wrenching, I felt like my heart was being torn from my chest. I laughed rarely, my eyes teared up and at the end I sat stunned in silence. I’d see it again but I could have a heart attack or a suicidal episode. That good.
Finally, home. I had sushi for dinner but I wish I’d had ice…all over my legs. I have to figure out how I’m going to make it up to Washington Heights for Shabbat. I asked my coworker to drive me up but will my bosses let me leave early for Shabbat given the transit strike. I honestly don’t see it ending before the holidays begin. Boy, this blog is going to get interesting.
When I reached work I found out that I had to do all this stuff in my room which meant walking around on my scrawny, out of shape little legs. I put up the “word wall” and my sister “leveled” the library and what nonsense. I can’t believe I got any work done. I had to “teach” English 9th period (the last period of the day) and the seniors were really rowdy. I actually had to write one up for behavior and one of the deans basically said he was going to ignore it despite the threats, racial slurs against other students and yada yada the kid uttered. What’s the point of coming into school to be an *SS? There were about twenty students present.
I survived the school day and had to get back home and we also had plans for King Kong. I know, really pushing it. Not only do we have to walk up 58 blocks but we’re going to go see a film afterwards. We walked slowly which was probably really stupid. My hips hurt, my legs hurt, my thighs hurt. We made stops along the way to purchase earrings (mine all died in the kitty litter incident of November), purchase boots (because I walked in my thermal snow boots which are going to become useless soon in the snow) and underwear (because, look I don’t have to explain this one). I’m not sure what was more painful, the dent to my budget or the pain in my legs. I’d say both. Knowing that people will be judgmental, I have plenty of explanations for all purchases and um, I’m returning some of the earrings, okay?
We left my job around 3:35pm but didn’t make it uptown until around 7pm. Yes, we made it to the 7:10pm showing of King Kong at the Magic Johnson theater. Can I say that the film was fantastic? Possibly one of the best films I’ve ever seen. Literally heart-wrenching, I felt like my heart was being torn from my chest. I laughed rarely, my eyes teared up and at the end I sat stunned in silence. I’d see it again but I could have a heart attack or a suicidal episode. That good.
Finally, home. I had sushi for dinner but I wish I’d had ice…all over my legs. I have to figure out how I’m going to make it up to Washington Heights for Shabbat. I asked my coworker to drive me up but will my bosses let me leave early for Shabbat given the transit strike. I honestly don’t see it ending before the holidays begin. Boy, this blog is going to get interesting.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
40-Year-Old Virgin
Once you get past the gratituous cursing, it's actually a romantic comedy about a guy that waits for love before, well, you know. Sniffles all around. Sob. Sob. Tissues, please.
Must Love Dogs
It's kind of sad when you go to Blockbuster and realize you've pretty much seen everything except for those B movies that you were too ashamed and unwilling to pay for in theaters even with 5.50 tickets.
Meanwhile, Entertainment Weekly rated Must Love Dogs a C- so I overlooked it last summer. LIARS! LIARS! The movie was understated and funny. We really enjoyed it.
Meanwhile, Entertainment Weekly rated Must Love Dogs a C- so I overlooked it last summer. LIARS! LIARS! The movie was understated and funny. We really enjoyed it.
Back from Blockbuster
Rented:
Must Love Dogs (chick flick)
40-year-old Virgin (gross funny flick)
Ice Princess (Disney flick)
Sky High (Disney flick)
Bought:
Serenity...who wants to borrow? Drew!
Must Love Dogs (chick flick)
40-year-old Virgin (gross funny flick)
Ice Princess (Disney flick)
Sky High (Disney flick)
Bought:
Serenity...who wants to borrow? Drew!
The Strike Movie Fest
My sister is about to go out and pick up Serenity, 40-year-old virgin and Ice Princess. What...a little sci-fi, a little gross humor and um, princesses? :)
Can there please be a strike when I'm near Loews Lincoln Square because they have all the better movies?! The only thing playing up here is King Kong.
Can there please be a strike when I'm near Loews Lincoln Square because they have all the better movies?! The only thing playing up here is King Kong.
Transit Strike
Just called in "sick." I really have to count up those sick days when I get back, especially since my bosses are thoroughly conflicted about whether an almost Jew can take off Jewish holidays. Look, I'm watching the people go across the Brooklyn bridge in 22 degree weather, people are walking hundreds of blocks to get to work and well, I think...WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!
First, I do not want to freeze to get to work. Two, as everyone knows, my motion sickness is unparalled. In fact, I think my motion sickness is genetic because if you get all three of us in a car, we can project a regurgitation to rival all other regurgitations. Third, my stomach does not recover well and I don't feel like being motion sick for days. Ew.
On the couch with my comforter about to chow down on some Corn Pops.
Grad School: 4 chapters to read and a one-page paper to write even though we just handed in a 10-page paper last week!!!!
Work: Um, none, transit strike, hello?
Judaism: Yay, time to study up on Chanukah after missing the "workshop" yesterday. Yay, time to read! Thank G-d.
Heart Condition: Minor artery blockage. Triple bypass may be neccessary. No heart transplant neccessary as yet.
First, I do not want to freeze to get to work. Two, as everyone knows, my motion sickness is unparalled. In fact, I think my motion sickness is genetic because if you get all three of us in a car, we can project a regurgitation to rival all other regurgitations. Third, my stomach does not recover well and I don't feel like being motion sick for days. Ew.
On the couch with my comforter about to chow down on some Corn Pops.
Grad School: 4 chapters to read and a one-page paper to write even though we just handed in a 10-page paper last week!!!!
Work: Um, none, transit strike, hello?
Judaism: Yay, time to study up on Chanukah after missing the "workshop" yesterday. Yay, time to read! Thank G-d.
Heart Condition: Minor artery blockage. Triple bypass may be neccessary. No heart transplant neccessary as yet.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The Jew?
So, my sister shows up to my school today to pick up my ATM card because of course, I woke up late and had to take it with me to buy lunch. Anyway, my sister goes to the security desk downstairs and says, "I'm here to see my sister." He asks, "What's her name?" She tells him. He pauses pensively and my sister says he responded with one or two statements which my sister was so shocked she may have blacked out too much to remember clearly....
"Is she THE JEW?"
What kind of question is that?
"Is she THE JEW?"
What kind of question is that?
Sunday, December 18, 2005
How's your Christmas shopping?
I sat in the Old Navy dressing room waiting for Devora to show me her new sweater and the clerk looked at my sad little face and said, "You okay?" "Sure." "Your Christmas shopping going okay?" Pause. "Sure." I didn't know what to say. I didn't have the energy to explain that I do not celebrate Christmas. No big deal right?
Then, I started yelling to Devora from my comfy seat with my head leaning against the wall and sighing about the Chanukah bash at KJ and how I wanted to bring three people, my sisters and such. When the clerk heard me mention "Chanukah" her eyebrows shot up and then I could tell she felt kind of sheepish about assuming that I was "Christmas" shopping. From now on, I'm sure she'll be asking how everyone's HOLIDAY shopping is going. ;)
Then, I started yelling to Devora from my comfy seat with my head leaning against the wall and sighing about the Chanukah bash at KJ and how I wanted to bring three people, my sisters and such. When the clerk heard me mention "Chanukah" her eyebrows shot up and then I could tell she felt kind of sheepish about assuming that I was "Christmas" shopping. From now on, I'm sure she'll be asking how everyone's HOLIDAY shopping is going. ;)
Food, Shopping and Amor
Food:
Discovered that Kosher Delight delivers to Harlem and like, ANYWHERE, in New York City. http://www.kdexpress.com/
Shopping:
Own new skirt. Devora owns new sweaters. My sister owns new sweatshirt.
Heart Condition:
Terminal. To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
Discovered that Kosher Delight delivers to Harlem and like, ANYWHERE, in New York City. http://www.kdexpress.com/
Shopping:
Own new skirt. Devora owns new sweaters. My sister owns new sweatshirt.
Heart Condition:
Terminal. To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Note to G-d
I am the happiest I've ever been in my whole entire life. How did this happen? I didn't realize that people could be this happy. I am so glad I survived. I am so glad I made it this far, really, so now what can I do to spread all this happiness to all my friends and everyone I know and everyone I meet and oh, all my students, and cats, I like cats!
XOXOXO
XOXOXO
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Concentrating on...what? what was that? huh?
Right, I have no concentration. I stayed up until 3:30am (thanks to caffeine) to finish my paper for my Language & Diversity grad class but now I have another paper--interdisciplinary unit--due tomorrow. Plus, of course, I do not want to miss my "Six Meaningful Chapters: Building Blocks to Ethical Living" at shul at 8pm. So much to do so little time. For instance, who needs clean clothes? I do, I do!
I got home tonight around 9:30ish after making a run at Staples for supplies for my classroom--teachers get $220 to spend so of course I went over that a bit. I bought myself two big 5-subject notebooks where I intend to be more organized about all my Judaism stuff. The "conversion curriculum" is broken up into about 13 parts so there you go.
Still behind on the parsha, still barely reading my To Be a Jewish Woman book, still haven't looked at my paper since I got home but I am looking through the JCC catalog which came in the mail. Is it worth it to pay for the Judaism 102 class? Sigh, cannot take it anyway because it conflicts with my grad school class next year? Two more classes to go and I have my Master's in Secondary Education!
Meanwhile, I could be irrational and it could be the disgusting dinner I concocted but I am feeling kind of fat and sluggish. Seriously considering martial arts classes and self-defense classes at the JCC in the fall. Anyone want to join me?
I got home tonight around 9:30ish after making a run at Staples for supplies for my classroom--teachers get $220 to spend so of course I went over that a bit. I bought myself two big 5-subject notebooks where I intend to be more organized about all my Judaism stuff. The "conversion curriculum" is broken up into about 13 parts so there you go.
Still behind on the parsha, still barely reading my To Be a Jewish Woman book, still haven't looked at my paper since I got home but I am looking through the JCC catalog which came in the mail. Is it worth it to pay for the Judaism 102 class? Sigh, cannot take it anyway because it conflicts with my grad school class next year? Two more classes to go and I have my Master's in Secondary Education!
Meanwhile, I could be irrational and it could be the disgusting dinner I concocted but I am feeling kind of fat and sluggish. Seriously considering martial arts classes and self-defense classes at the JCC in the fall. Anyone want to join me?
Monday, December 12, 2005
Girls just want to have fun
Grad School:
Two papers due and I have one page written for the one that I just realized isn't even REALLY due until the 16th. The other is an interdisciplinary unit--ouch!--which my brain just can't seem to wrap its head around. I figure I'll work on that one after finishing the 10-page paper on "how to teach minority students better," which is much more academic. Then I have to figure out how to incorporate all this nonsense into both that our university wants us to mention in all our projects so we can put it in this crazy portfolio at the end of our master's program--except that it's due in March.
Mind Control:
Kill me now. I am so burnt out and I have the worst concentration problems I have ever had. I had to take a nap just to try to have deep thoughts last night. Sigh.
Judaism:
Davened on Friday, the first time in quite a while and didn't make it to shul on Saturday. I am the worst almost Jew right now. Sure, I'm shomer Shabbos but I didn't want to become a napping Jew (no offense). Still need to start reading To Be a Jewish Woman and start davening daily plus memorize the blessing for after a snack and other things. Only eating kosher at home and out in the world. Friday I will get back on track cuz I'm back at KJ for a party and then back on Saturday for morning services and afternoon's parsha class. I am two parshas behind. AHHHHHHHHHH!
Teaching:
Was giving my students regularly scheduled Monday reports on their grades but I've come to terms with grad school getting in the way of this dream. Grading during school hours and entering the grades "someday" and stopping by staples to pick up ink cartridges to print said grad reports "someday" too.
Entertainment:
Need to see Narnia this week. Just got in some new Monday-Thursday tickets. Hopefully, I can use them this week.
Heart Condition:
Terminal.
Two papers due and I have one page written for the one that I just realized isn't even REALLY due until the 16th. The other is an interdisciplinary unit--ouch!--which my brain just can't seem to wrap its head around. I figure I'll work on that one after finishing the 10-page paper on "how to teach minority students better," which is much more academic. Then I have to figure out how to incorporate all this nonsense into both that our university wants us to mention in all our projects so we can put it in this crazy portfolio at the end of our master's program--except that it's due in March.
Mind Control:
Kill me now. I am so burnt out and I have the worst concentration problems I have ever had. I had to take a nap just to try to have deep thoughts last night. Sigh.
Judaism:
Davened on Friday, the first time in quite a while and didn't make it to shul on Saturday. I am the worst almost Jew right now. Sure, I'm shomer Shabbos but I didn't want to become a napping Jew (no offense). Still need to start reading To Be a Jewish Woman and start davening daily plus memorize the blessing for after a snack and other things. Only eating kosher at home and out in the world. Friday I will get back on track cuz I'm back at KJ for a party and then back on Saturday for morning services and afternoon's parsha class. I am two parshas behind. AHHHHHHHHHH!
Teaching:
Was giving my students regularly scheduled Monday reports on their grades but I've come to terms with grad school getting in the way of this dream. Grading during school hours and entering the grades "someday" and stopping by staples to pick up ink cartridges to print said grad reports "someday" too.
Entertainment:
Need to see Narnia this week. Just got in some new Monday-Thursday tickets. Hopefully, I can use them this week.
Heart Condition:
Terminal.
Wednesday, December 7, 2005
Awe of G-d or G-d is awesome...
I am dropping my Hebrew II class. I can’t stand it. It’s so boring. I am going to have to study on my own and try to learn along the way but I definitely cannot continue. Maybe I can pick up the same class next “session” but I feel like I’m too tired to learn anything on Wednesday nights. Okay, that’s not the case…my Ethical Living class which is taught by a Rabbi that works with Israelight is fascinating. It’s an hour long after Hebrew and I have no problems staying awake.
Speaking of which, I found myself telling someone why I’m converting the other day and struggling to encapsulate my journey into words. Yes, I was a precocious child who at eight told the Sunday school teacher that one could NOT draw G-d. I took my yellow crayon and drew a light. G-d is light, I told her. Meanwhile, at 14, I had no problem deciding after much soul-searching and book researching that Judaism was the only faith that “fit.” It was no stretch to accept the basic tenets of Judaism. If you don’t know what those are, I do not plan on explaining them to you because there is a deeper reason outside of them that makes me want to convert.
Growing up, I was the eldest child, I had no one to talk to and my friends were always too immature to contend with my problems at home. The only “person” I had was G-d. I prayed my little heart out. I had heart-to-heart talks. It never occurred to me that there was no G-d. My life was a tragedy but I assured myself that G-d would save me, G-d had not created this tragedy and if G-d had, it was all for a reason.
My twenty-fourth year was enlightening. I felt like I saw the master plan. I was right, G-d had a plan. There was a reason the whole time. I am the person I am today because of all that happened to be before and suddenly I was grateful for those random beatings, those emotional episodes, the fear that informed my childhood and the pain of my transition to adulthood. I started to become more religious because of my appreciation towards G-d.
Today in class, we talked about yirat Hashem, which has been translated often as “fear of G-d, G-dfearing” but my teacher explored with us as “being in awe of G-d.” Whatever it really stands for, I realized that I came to Judaism because it is the only religion that I believe encompasses an awe of G-d. In its impure state, people follow Judaism and the Torah to avoid G-d’s wrath, but I believe that in its purest state, it is a religion where the awe of G-d is imbued in every action, even going to the bathroom.
In the end, though I am not eloquent in any way of explicating why I want to convert to anyone other than my Rabbi, I find that Judaism is the best way to live my life. It still “fits.” It is not just about me either. I find that I fell in love with G-d and in falling in love with G-d, I fell in love with Judaism and I have high hopes of looking back at my life as a grandmother and seeing my grandchildren come to Judaism much more easily than my conversion process currently seems.
Speaking of which, I found myself telling someone why I’m converting the other day and struggling to encapsulate my journey into words. Yes, I was a precocious child who at eight told the Sunday school teacher that one could NOT draw G-d. I took my yellow crayon and drew a light. G-d is light, I told her. Meanwhile, at 14, I had no problem deciding after much soul-searching and book researching that Judaism was the only faith that “fit.” It was no stretch to accept the basic tenets of Judaism. If you don’t know what those are, I do not plan on explaining them to you because there is a deeper reason outside of them that makes me want to convert.
Growing up, I was the eldest child, I had no one to talk to and my friends were always too immature to contend with my problems at home. The only “person” I had was G-d. I prayed my little heart out. I had heart-to-heart talks. It never occurred to me that there was no G-d. My life was a tragedy but I assured myself that G-d would save me, G-d had not created this tragedy and if G-d had, it was all for a reason.
My twenty-fourth year was enlightening. I felt like I saw the master plan. I was right, G-d had a plan. There was a reason the whole time. I am the person I am today because of all that happened to be before and suddenly I was grateful for those random beatings, those emotional episodes, the fear that informed my childhood and the pain of my transition to adulthood. I started to become more religious because of my appreciation towards G-d.
Today in class, we talked about yirat Hashem, which has been translated often as “fear of G-d, G-dfearing” but my teacher explored with us as “being in awe of G-d.” Whatever it really stands for, I realized that I came to Judaism because it is the only religion that I believe encompasses an awe of G-d. In its impure state, people follow Judaism and the Torah to avoid G-d’s wrath, but I believe that in its purest state, it is a religion where the awe of G-d is imbued in every action, even going to the bathroom.
In the end, though I am not eloquent in any way of explicating why I want to convert to anyone other than my Rabbi, I find that Judaism is the best way to live my life. It still “fits.” It is not just about me either. I find that I fell in love with G-d and in falling in love with G-d, I fell in love with Judaism and I have high hopes of looking back at my life as a grandmother and seeing my grandchildren come to Judaism much more easily than my conversion process currently seems.
Tuesday, December 6, 2005
Busy Little Bee
Okay, I haven't blogged in six days. I have a very good reason of which some of you know. Meanwhile, I have some sort of chest cold which is keeping me down. I refuse to go to work tomorrow. I'm going to the doctor and staying home...to sleep mostly and hopefully get some work done. I am behind on grad school work though I finished my 100-page reading in 30 minutes today. I'm skipping my Tuesday class that meets only three times and making it up next week when my chest doesn't feel like it will explode.
In other news, I am trying to spread my good fortune and play matchmaker to my adorable friends. No names because I don't want to die but we'll see how things turn out.
Since I'm behind on grading (because grades were due Monday) and my boring grad school final projects (due next, next week), I really have to get my act together tomorrow while on whatever meds the doctors give me.
While I've been doing well memorizing the blessings, I have been enticed away from shul by Devora and the Washington Heights folks. Davening is at an all-time low. I should go to Mt. Sinai but I'm afraid of going all by myself when I'm up there. When I go to KJ, I get to go to a beginner's service where things are explained and I feel "safe." I've been trying to get myself to go to Saturday at KJ and Friday at Washington Heights but I'm so exhausted by the end of the week lately that I don't feel like riding the train down. I need to get my act together on my booklist. The latest read is "Kashrut," but it's not a fun read. I'm going to have to start taking notes to stay awake.
In other news, I am trying to spread my good fortune and play matchmaker to my adorable friends. No names because I don't want to die but we'll see how things turn out.
Since I'm behind on grading (because grades were due Monday) and my boring grad school final projects (due next, next week), I really have to get my act together tomorrow while on whatever meds the doctors give me.
While I've been doing well memorizing the blessings, I have been enticed away from shul by Devora and the Washington Heights folks. Davening is at an all-time low. I should go to Mt. Sinai but I'm afraid of going all by myself when I'm up there. When I go to KJ, I get to go to a beginner's service where things are explained and I feel "safe." I've been trying to get myself to go to Saturday at KJ and Friday at Washington Heights but I'm so exhausted by the end of the week lately that I don't feel like riding the train down. I need to get my act together on my booklist. The latest read is "Kashrut," but it's not a fun read. I'm going to have to start taking notes to stay awake.
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