Snorting Books

Because some people's lives are better than soap operas!

I am absolutely obsessed with Philippa Gregory novels. My sister gave me a copy of “The Queen’s Fool," about a Spanish Jewess escaping the Inquisition in Queen Mary I's England, and then my mother-in-law lent me her copy of “The Other Boleyn Girl,” about those infamous Boleyn sisters and Henry VIII. (And no, the movie was not this good.) If this continues, I’m not going to get any kind of writing done this summer. And did I mention that I picked up copies of three of her other books? “The Virgin’s Lover,” "The Boleyn Inheritance” and “The Constant Princess” are next on my hit list.

When my husband asked “why the hell I was buying so many books at Barnes & Nobles,” I explained that I sheepishly explained that I had a coupon. No need to explain that I was emotionally cheating on my life with my latest addiction. Seriously, I can't leave the house while I'm reading these books. I can't get out of bed. I can't eat. (Okay, well I have a Book Chair and I eat in front of them.) 

You know I’m a fan of vampires but lately, my hunger for historical fiction knows no bounds. Did I mention I actually picked up Philippa Gregory books INSTEAD of starting another vampire book, the first of the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris that my sister loves so much she's got every single one on her Kindle? And no, I won’t be watching the “True Blood” TV show based on the novels. I hear it’s too steamy for my blood.

I read somewhere that reading is antisocial behavior. But it feels so good!

Fallen Princesses

Why do we like fairy tales? Do we like them because they always end in "happily ever after"? Do we like them because they are so far removed from our harsh realities? Do we like them because they take us back to an age (you know, like never for me) where the words "harsh realities" were unknown to us?

"Fallen Princesses" tries to put things in perspective. A startling, slightly frightening, photo project, "Fallen Princesses" takes Disney fairy tale characters and places them in modern day scenarios. The effect is shocking. (Click on the thumbnails to see close-ups of the shots. Then read why the Princess Jasmin pic" has some people up in arms".)

But who says we want our fairy tales to give us a dose of reality? Don't we want them to take us away from it all? Well, perhaps times have changed. Take note that, more often than not, new fairy tales (like "Enchanted" for instance) take a feminist turn that has the princess saving the prince, not the other way around. 

Stand-up Comedy Routine #1

As you may have read on previous posts and/or Twitter, I am taking a Stand-up Comedy class at Santa Monica College. (I'm also taking a Figure Drawing class and a Memoir Writing class.) My husband, being ever supportive as always, has already decided I'm the funniest person in my class even though he's never been to the class to hear anyone else. 

After the last class, 6 classes in all, my classmates and I do our routines at a club and invite all our friends and family. But since most of my jokes are about friends and family, I don't know if it would be such a good idea to invite them.

Honestly, I think I'm discovering that I'm much better at improv (thinking up funny stuff on my feet), than I am plotting out jokes to tell in advance. While the teacher and my classmates seem to agree that I am funny, it seems my style is to tell stories. I'm a storyteller who just happens to be funny, not a stand-up comedian who tells funny stories.

By the way, despite tummy trouble before class, I did not fart in this second class. 

Here is me playing around with a joke about "pants," part of which I do in my "Memoirs of a Jewminicana" speech where I talk about my life and journey to converting to Judaism. 

Aliza on Pants

Jews are funny. That’s what people keep telling me. But I wasn’t born Jewish. I was born Dominican. So if we’re going by genes here, I’m probably really good at baseball and shimmying my hips. Not so funny.

Besides, I’m an Orthodox Jew. Nobody thinks Orthodox Jews are funny. Orthodox Jews are serious, seriously old-fashioned and seriously hate women. That’s what people tell me keep telling me. They tell me we hate women so much we won’t even let them wear pants. Think of all the evils women could do if you let them wear pants!

Snowboarding. 

Hiking. 

Secretary of State.

So this is what I tell people now: I’m an Orthodox Jew now so I don’t wear pants. Nobody has to know the truth. 

That my mother wore tight pants. That my grandmother wore tight pants. That my great-grandmother’s 97 and she’s still wearing tight pants. Generations after generations of women in my family have been doing that dance and shimmy to get their pants over their hips and then lying back on the bed to squeeze them closed over their guts.

No one has to know it wasn't just about modesty. It was about never squeezing my big Dominican butt into another pair of tight jeans. 

The benefits of my new Torah lifestyle are endless.

Post-Racial Rabbis...Or Not?

Post-Racial Rabbis. 

An article from Moment Magazine on African-American rabbis (though strikingly, no Orthodox rabbis despite the fact that there definitely are African-American Orthodox rabbis) meant to highlight Jewish diversity might only compound common beliefs held about non-Orthodox movements and converts. 

Um, when do we get to see an article about Latino rabbis? Alright, probably never, I know. There are more than enough Latino rabbis, so that's nothing earth-shattering, I know, even if we never hear about them. 

As usual, keep the comments clean. 

Ricci, Race and Wearing Blinders

I've been largely quiet on race, lately. I've done this, despite the fact that every other time I've posted about Sonia Sotomayor someone has tried to call me out on this. I've been reading, as I always do, all the latest news on racism, racism all over the world, racism in America, liberals and conservatives whispering (SCREAMING) sweet nothings about racism into each other's ear. 

Mostly, what I've been hearing is a lot of fear and confusion. There's fear that trying to fight racism has only led to more racism. There's fear that non-whites are "taking over." But I haven't seen anything that has reflected my concerns, my worries about how racism works in this country (until today, see article below). And I won't bother telling you how I felt about the Ricci case because I don't think most people can hold a coherent conversation about it. Plus, you might keel over if I told you where I stood on it. You know, from the shock. 

And let me tell you, people think they understand how I feel about racism just by looking at my skin, or rather, while aiming astonished glances s at my hair. I am a first-generation child of immigrants, poor immigrants, one of whom raised me while collecting welfare fearing the whole time that I would be swallowed by the ghetto and never get out. I'm no expert on racism or poverty, but I've been the unwilling a victim of it, nonetheless. 

Often, I've had people try to bait me on affirmative action and they are surprised to hear that I watched several of my friends, with lower grades in high school but from similar income brackets, open up shiny, special acceptance letters from NYU while I was told that with my better grades, with my too-high SAT scores, I wasn't considered disadvantaged enough. I got rejected. 

My first SHOCKING C+ in a college English class, after mostly As and Bs, seemed to suggest otherwise. And I wonder how many of my classmates with better grades, easier lives, petty cash accounts, spring and summer vacations, had spent most of their childhood escaping into Shakespeare and Dickens. Probably not many and still, I did not have the tools to compete in a fair fight with them. 

A lot of my friends failed out of NYU eventually but I never failed out of Fordham because just as I was trying to decide whether or not it was more important to eat or go to college, Fordham awarded me a full scholarship and I found myself handwriting over 30 personal letters to my generous donors. 

I was lucky when the time came to kidnap my sister I had incredibly supportive, understanding professors at Fordham, in fact I've always had supportive teachers--financially and emotionally. They never made the work easier for me, but they gave me to the tools to step up when the obstacles in my way were piled higher and higher. 

Still, I ran into professors who thought my papers were too good to be written by me. I ran into professors who said my English wasn't good because it wasn't my first language (I learned English and Spanish simultaneously from college-educated parents who were non-native speakers). Other Hispanic students asked me if I was half-white while the whites asked to touch my hair and complimented me for being so light-skinned. 

And no, I still haven't told you how I really feel about affirmative action, just in case you haven't noticed. 

I don't know how to solve racism but I do not think it will be solved by colorblindness. I think there is a great hope that someday, the world will be colorblind. Great. I won't hold my breath just yet. I hope being colorblind doesn't mean people will stop noticing that I tan better than a huge percentage of the population. I can only hope this means that people will stop thinking that because I tan better, I am stupid, backward, ignorant, unable to string coherent sentences, lazy, trying to take over America, trying to steal their sons for all manner of sordid behavior, illiterate, and of course, a virulent socialist. 

And no, I won't try to pretend that I think the welfare system in America is perfect, especially since I have actually scrapped by on it. In fact, that welfare system ensured that I was hungry 3 out of 4 weeks a month. Quite the luxury. I am sorry for you in more ways than one if you believe I should have been hungry 4 weeks out of 4 weeks and you'd rather have given your money to some organization feeding hungry children outside America. Would you like me to write you a check now?

A good read: "Color-blindness, Racism and Impact" by A. Serwer.

How to Tell People They Sound Racist

Just discovered "Ill Doctrine," a video blog by hip hopper Jay Smooth, and I thought I'd share this video on "How To Tell People They Sound Racist." Be sure to check out his other videos if you like this one, "If Bill O'Reilly was a rapper" is another good one. 

The trouble is that many people can't distinguish between racist actions or racist people. Even when I try just to focus on the action, people don't want to accept their actions as racist because to them, that means accepting they might be racists. And many people refuse to do that, even when their actions are harmful to other people.

Loving the Jewish diversity

Okay, how many times can I blog about Be'chol Lashon, seriously? I can't help it. I love their monthly newsletter. Even with being a Jewminicana myself, it's easy to forget how diverse Jews are when I show up at a typical Jewish lifecycle function and I'm the darkest person in the room. Okay, sometimes there are darker folks but man, can people please stop giving my hair the look already? I know it's big. Just get over it. Haven't you ever heard of a Jew 'fro? Come on!

So, the latest newsletter has really outdone itself. We've got Japanese Jews, Jews of the Carribean, Jews in Mexico, Indian Jews, African Jews...ah, the Jewish world is so beautiful and so colorful! If you're not already getting the Be'chol Lashon newsletter, sign up for it. Send it to your friends so that we can change the pervasive mentality (Jewish or otherwise) that says all Jews have to look like Woody Allen or Natalie Portman, which unfortunately for the last one, last time I checked, I don't.

Now read up on... having Japanese-Jewish roots or about Jews of the Carribean or what it's like being Jewish in Mexico.

To submit articles of interest that relate to Jewish diversity to the newsletter, email Esther Fishman, Esther@BecholLashon.org.

And if all that diversity has got you terrified, well, 1. why are you reading this blog? and 2. check out Chabad's Question of the Week "Is Diversity Good for Jews?"

Being a Cool Jew on Independence Day!

I am spending this 4th of July in good company out here in Los Angeles with many cool folk from the synagogue where my husband is interning. We're having a major Sheva Brachot blast to celebrate a recent wedding. Since the 4th falls on Shabbat, we won't be barbecuing but you can be sure that once Shabbat is over, I will find the nearest kosher burger joint open on Saturday night. Yum!!!! (Though not so good for my thighs, I suppose. That's the part that is getting more and more Dominican as time goes on.)

And while eating my burger, I will contemplate what it means to be Jewish and American, American and Jewish since, incidentally, these thoughts scored me some cool stuff over at ModernTribe where I wrote in about being an American Jew/Jewish American as my entry for the Cool Jew 4th of July Giveaway! Do you think my Dominican side feels left out? Not to worry, the colors on the American flag are the same as the colors on the Dominican flag so you know, it's all good.

Jewish Myths

All Jews are white or Eastern European. (And eat kugel and gefilte fish and cholent every Shabbat because otherwise, they wouldn't REALLY be Jewish.)

Jews don’t welcome converts. (Is this a myth? Alright, in some communities it is. But in others, as we've seen in Israel and South America, it's a fact. A sad, sad, sad reality.)

Rabbis are male. (Even secular Jews have a problem with this which I find very interesting.)

There are the myths that Sandy Sasso, a Reconstructionist rabbi, tries to debunk in “Debunking the myths of Judaism” but how much can one little article in The Indianapolis Star do? Well a lot if you send it to all your friends and their friends and then Facebook and Twitter about it!